


It's About Time

by SilverRaven33



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bitter Breakup, Blindfolds, Bondage, Casual Sex, First Blowjob, Going Home, Insecurity, Kink, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multi, Post Divorce, Power Play, Threesome - F/M/M, Undernegotiated Kink, adult drinking, emotional scars, estranged friends, friend reunion, not-quite-enemies to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-01-02 22:22:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21168818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRaven33/pseuds/SilverRaven33
Summary: Shawn Hunter, in his late twenties, has a good life complete with a steady job and casual sex with strangers on the weekend. Cory Matthews is getting used to life after divorce and has come home to Philadelphia for a visit. The once-inseparable best friends haven't spoken in years but they're about to stumble over each other again. Emotional scars and uncertainties make their reunion difficult, to say the least. I promise it ends happily but there's a lot of adult themed angst to get there.Set about ten years after the end of BMW and disregards GMW.





	1. Chapter 1

“Thanks Roxie,” Shawn shouted towards the bartender as he tossed her a couple of extra singles and spun on his stool to lean an elbow on the bar. She knew how he liked his Jack and Coke’s, strong with next to no ice. His throat welcomed the familiar burn as he covertly watched the other patrons. It was a typical Friday night at Moe’s; the pool table was being put through its paces, a country song came blaring out of the jukebox, followed by an eighties pop hit, followed by Led Zeppelin, there was a couple in a dark corner all over each other no matter what song came on, and there were enough people to make the place hopping but not so many you couldn’t move around. It was Shawn’s favorite bar. He downed the rest of his drink, and waved for a refill. One of the things he loved about this place was that it was just a couple blocks over from his apartment. Not that Shawn Hunter was an alcoholic; he just liked having a safe place to go and unwind. 

He enjoyed his job at the ad agency, but it was demanding and he was usually at the office longer than he maybe would have preferred. He told his coworkers he didn’t care, since he really didn’t have any hobbies or a life anyway, and they would share a laugh with him. But it was closer to the truth than he liked to admit. Up at five in the morning every day, go to the gym, work for at least ten hours (when he didn’t take it home with him), cook dinner, read or watch a movie, and pass out again. It wasn’t a bad life. And on weekends he came here, sometimes to shop, more often just to loosen up. He blended in here, and if there was one thing Shawn enjoyed, it was anonymity. He got enough pressure at work to be the one coming up with the next big thing, he wasn’t interested in being the popular kid anymore. He’d had plenty of worrying about that in high school, thank you very much.

When his ten year reunion invite came in the mail from John Adams High, Shawn had scoffed and thrown it in the trash without a second thought. That was far too long ago for him to be concerned with, and there was no one he particularly would want to see, save for Mr. Feeny. He remembered every lesson that old man had taught him and his friends, and he took each one to heart and savored them, but that was another time, and another Shawn. Now he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time and his texts. Oh good, they were coming over and it was just about midnight; he should start heading home and getting ready for later. He set the glass from his fourth drink down on the polished bar and got up to head to the bathroom before he left. 

Oh, the shots burned but they grounded him. He wasn’t sure what he was doing here, what the name of this bar was, or why he was even drinking this much. He’d had a decent day since he’d gotten back in town, wandering around the outskirts of Philadelphia. He supposed he was home, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. He hadn’t told his parents he was around yet, though he did want to see them. He just didn’t feel like dealing with the questions that would inevitably come, since they finally knew what had happened. She’d called and told them, like it was her business to. Like everything had always been her business. Well, not anymore, Cory reminded himself and downed another shot of Wild Turkey. 

“Good riddance. My love,” he mumbled, just this side of caring if he looked crazy. There was no one here who knew him, what did it matter? He didn’t have to worry about impressing anybody anymore, and he let out a sigh at the thought of the freedom that afforded him after being married for most of his twenties. So much he could do with that freedom, and here Cory Matthews was, getting drunk his first night back in town. He took a step back from the bar, clutching his chaser beer and almost backed into someone. 

“Hey, watch it, man,” Shawn said, not harshly, on his way back from taking a leak. He’d seen the guy clumsily move back but hadn’t had time to swerve out of his way before the stranger misstepped in front of him. Shawn involuntarily reached out to support the guy if he started to fall, and his hand briefly cupped the other man’s elbow. The lights were dim and Shawn was ready to head out the door, he just wanted to make it by Mr. Wobbles here first.

“Hey,” the other guy said, starting to turn and lifting his arm jerkily. “Hey, man, I’m sorry,” he said, managing to spin on his heel and not crash to the floor. His hand landed on Shawn’s chest, and just as Shawn was pulling back to put some distance between him and this crazy, the two men looked into each other’s faces. Both froze. Eight years was not enough to render them unrecognizable. Granted, Shawn had grown his hair out from how short it had been in college, to where it almost brushed his shoulders now. His toned upper body strained just a touch at his button up shirt, and was that a ring piercing his lower lip? But Cory would still know those blue eyes anywhere. Cory himself looked hardly changed. He was trying to keep his hair shorter now to avoid the curls but it had been awhile since his last trim and they were coming out again. He was dressed in something he might have worn when he was twelve: worn blue jeans, a white tee, and a plain red hoodie. 

“Well, butter my biscuits and call me a kangaroo,” Cory announced. Shawn would smile later, much later, at the memory of that line, but at the moment he was too stunned. 

“Cory?” Shawn asked, over the tones of I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt bursting from the jukebox. The name worked its way out of his mouth in spite of the rust of disuse. “What are you doing here?” Shawn had to admit, it was like seeing a ghost. Especially since he had physically changed so little, it was as if Cory had died and this was his spirit coming to haunt his ex best friend. 

“Shawn. Shawn,” Cory repeated, convincing himself he really was seeing what he thought he was. After all these years, the silences, and the changed phone numbers, he literally runs into him in a random bar. 

“What are you doing here?” Shawn asked him again, annoyance flaring up. This was  _ his _ bar, he wasn’t supposed to have to worry about the past smacking him in the face here. Cory laughed in response, an edge of insanity in it that Shawn didn’t miss. 

“I don’t know,” Cory said with a shrug. “I really don’t know.” He stared at the dark haired man looking at him and memories long buried came flooding to the surface. He’d never wanted to break off contact and he regretted it sorely now. Shawn’s eyes darted around at the people nearest them.

“Who are you here with?” he asked Cory. “Where’s Topanga?” His lips felt weird forming her name, too, after all this time. Cory took a long swig of half of his beer before he answered. 

“Oh, she’s in Chicago, at her house, or maybe on a date.” He swept his hand behind him in a wide arc and almost hit a lady in the head. Shawn involuntarily started reaching towards Cory’s arm to somehow reign it in but luckily it came to rest back by his side without incident. “Who knows? Who cares? Not me,” Cory concluded, with exaggerated nonchalance. He took another sip. 

“You mean you guys…?” Shawn trailed off. No wonder the guy was getting drunk. 

“Yup,” Cory confirmed. “Done. Finito. Sayonara.” He finished his beer and stumbled over to the bar to set the empty bottle down. Shawn watched his movements, annoyance giving way to concern. How drunk was he, and if he was here alone, did he have a plan? As he started to wave at the bartender for another drink, Shawn caught Roxie’s eye and shook his head, then leaned in towards Cory’s ear. 

“So what are you doing here?” he asked him yet again, slower this time, as if he were speaking to a child. Cory turned back towards him, his head unsteady. 

“I guess just...visiting the old stomping grounds. Seeing what’s still around.” He shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets and gazed off across the room, his expression pensive now. He looked lost, and for the sake of the friendship they had once shared, Shawn softened. 

“Where are you staying?” he asked him. The way Cory was stumbling and acting, he probably shouldn’t have anymore to drink, and Shawn could at least call him a cab and help send him on his way. He’d do as much for a stranger that looked like he needed help. 

“Nowhere yet,” came the answer. “I was thinking about staying with the ‘rents, but I don’t want to face them yet. Guess I should find a hotel, huh?” Shawn looked away and slightly shook his head, thinking about slapping Cory. How do you travel almost a thousand miles and not have a place to stay lined up when you get to your destination, Shawn asked himself, and then answered: you’re Cory Matthews, that’s how. Idiot. 

“There’s one a few blocks away,” Shawn told him. “Why don’t I call you a cab and point you in the right direction?” Cory looked back up at him and his face positively lit up. 

“That’d be  _ great _ ,” he beamed. “I mean, you don’t have to,” he added, more subdued. “I’m sure I can figure it out.” Yeah, and end up mugged and lying in an alley, Shawn thought but didn’t say.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here. I was just leaving anyway,” he said, and clapped Cory briefly on the shoulder. This threw the guy’s balance off enough that he stumbled for the first few steps away from the bar. Shawn and Roxie shared a bemused look as Shawn followed behind Cory, and a Three Doors Down song started on the jukebox. The two men reached the sidewalk and the door closed behind them, muting the music and the crowd. The late spring air was welcome in their lungs, and the street glistened with a rainfall that must have sprinkled down while they’d been inside. Shawn pulled his phone out and scrolled through, looking for the nearest cab company, while Cory proceeded to sit down on the curb. Apparently it didn’t bother him that his ass was getting wet. Shawn shook his head at him again.

Cory stared transfixed at an oil stain on the wet pavement, barely noticing the water soaking his jeans. He suddenly didn’t feel so good, and he didn’t know if it was more from the shots that he usually never did, or the shock of seeing his old friend. Guilt mixed with the whiskey in his stomach, and just when a cab pulled up, he leaned over his knees, making sure to miss his sneakers as he threw up into the street. The car promptly sped away, leaving Cory in a haze of exhaust, and he hugged his arms to himself, feeling miserable. He screwed everything up. 

Shawn sighed and ground his teeth, fighting irritation. He had to get home, and he didn’t want to just leave the guy here like this. Of course he’d thrown up just as the cab got here, so the driver could decide he didn’t want him in the car that drunk. Shawn couldn’t blame him, and he couldn’t really blame Cory either. It sounded like he’d been having a bad time of it. He cursed himself for his somehow still soft soul, and for what he was about to do. He stepped towards Cory, and leaned down enough to grab his bicep. There was slightly more muscle there than it looked like at least. 

“C’mon,” he told him. “Can you walk? I live close by, you can just crash on my couch for the night.” Cory shook his head slowly, still hung between his knees. 

“I can’t do that. You hate me,” he mumbled to the curb. Shawn sighed again. 

“If I really hated you, I wouldn’t be offering. Now come on. I’m not carrying you.” Shawn watched as Cory slowly got himself to his feet. He at least seemed a little steadier since the fresh air and the expelled vomit. Fairly confident his unexpected companion could make the trek, Shawn started in the direction of his apartment. Any buzz he’d achieved tonight was gone, and he mourned its loss for a moment. That was easier than thinking about how it felt to be walking next to this guy again, and the fact that Shawn was bringing him back to his home with him. For all he knew, Cory had turned to a life of crime and would rob him blind by morning. He almost laughed out loud at that. Cory had been the most straight-laced person Shawn knew, and there was no way he could have changed that much, even through a marriage and now what sounded like a divorce. 

Questions flitted through Shawn’s mind, but Cory didn’t look like he was in any sort of place to answer anything tonight. Besides, what did it matter? The past was the past, facts were facts, neither could be changed, and the fact was that Cory and Shawn were no longer friends and wouldn’t be again. This had been decided on years ago. Some random act of fate had thrown Cory in his path tonight, and Shawn would be a good person and make sure he had a roof over his head for the night, but then he would be sending him on his way in the morning. 

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” Cory said as they turned onto Shawn’s street and approached the multi-unit building he’d lived in for a few years now. 

“I’m just not enough of a dick to leave you there on the street, that’s all,” Shawn said, his tone not quite cold, but measured. He didn’t want the guy getting any ideas of real camaraderie.

“I’ve always known you were a good guy,” Cory said, the last half of the sentence swallowed by a yawn while Shawn opened the building’s door. 

“Don’t tell anyone. And don’t get used to it,” Shawn warned, starting up the three flights of stairs. He never took the elevator, he was used to the stairs but Cory looked ready to drop by the time he was dragging himself up the last of them. 

Cory was only vaguely aware of where he was. He was less drunk now and more exhausted. He was beyond thankful that Shawn had taken him under his wing, as he was realizing he really wasn’t sure what he would have done after the bar. Maybe even kept drinking till he blacked out, and then what? He didn’t want to think about that. The memories of the friendship he’d shared with the man beside him hadn’t stopped flooding him. Once upon a time, they’d been so close he thought he could never live without his best friend. They’d been inseparable, almost like brothers. But that had all crumbled eight years ago, and from Shawn’s tone, he didn’t seem to want to rebuild it. Not that Cory could blame him. But he held hope that maybe in the morning, after a good sleep, they could maybe go to breakfast and maybe, just maybe, at least get back to civil terms. Sleep sounded wonderful. He yawned again as Shawn opened the door to a dark apartment. 

“It’s not much but it’s home,” the dark haired man said, flicking on a light and locking the door again once they were inside. “Don’t throw up in it.” Cory admired the simple but cozy surroundings, the open floor plan consisting of a kitchen, mini dining room that held a table filled with papers and a laptop left open, and the living room. A dark hallway yawned just past the kitchen. 

“Bathroom?” Cory asked. 

“First door on the right,” Shawn said, pointing down the hallway with his chin. Cory wandered towards the bathroom and shut the door. It took him a minute of groping at the wall to find the light switch. It was a small but serviceable room, and as he peed, he had to smile at the rubber ducky staring at him from the shelf over the toilet. He rinsed his mouth out well of the bad taste that was lingering, and made his way to the living room. Shawn was standing there with three blankets in his arms, his face an unreadable mask. Cory sank onto the brown sofa gratefully; this was much better than the curb. He took in the flat screen TV, the bookshelves lining the room, and the comfy looking armchair. Shawn laid the blankets down next to him.

“Thanks, man,” Cory said, feeling awkward. This place screamed of a Shawn he didn’t know, and that made him sad, or maybe he was just tired. He had woken up in Chicago that morning and gotten on a plane, then wandered Philly all day after all. “I owe you.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Shawn replied, “Just get some sleep.” Heavy sleep, he added to himself. He hadn’t canceled his plans for the night, and now it was probably too late to do so. But by the looks of Cory, he should sleep like the dead. And something about seeing him unexpectedly tonight made Shawn need to escape even more than usual. 

Cory pushed off his sneakers and laid down on the couch, barely having the energy to unfold the blankets and cover himself. He sighed in comfort. Yeah, he was going to be passed out any moment now. Shawn dimmed the lights almost all the way and went to retrieve his bottle of whiskey. He needed a couple shots to replace that buzz he’d lost. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain some slight elements of non con, nothing too bad I don't think, but I'd rather err on the side of caution.

Cory rolled over, and the throw pillow partially slid out from under his head. He adjusted it, and tried to snuggle deeper into the couch. He was aware of not being in his own little studio apartment and this brought him reluctantly more awake. His throat was so dry and he had to pee again. Plus his head was already pounding. As where he was and how he’d gotten here came back to his mind, he figured he might as well attempt to take care of his immediate needs before trying to go back to sleep. 

It was still very dark, but Shawn had left a low light on in the kitchen and dining room area, which was enough to be able to not walk into things. Cory first stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a glass that was left on the counter, and not caring if it was dirty, took some water from the tap and downed it. The water tasted just like his tongue remembered, not quite as chemical-filled as he’d gotten used to in Chicago, and he suddenly longed for his childhood home. After staring blankly into the stainless steel sink for a few moments, he turned to head down the hallway. This time his hand found the light switch a little easier and the ducky said hello again while he relieved himself. 

He hoped Shawn had some aspirin around here somewhere, and though he felt bad opening drawers and cupboards, he knew it was best to nip this headache in the bud if he could. After learning what brand of shaving cream and deodorant Shawn used, Cory found some aspirin on the bottom shelf of the medicine cabinet, and stole two. This apartment was so much more organized and civilized than his was, he reflected. Of course, Shawn had had more time on his own to refine his living style. Or had he? Really, Cory had no idea what Shawn had been up to the past eight years, and he didn’t deserve to. He felt like an impostor, lurking here in another man’s bathroom in the middle of the night, wondering about his life. As he stood there looking at the shell of himself in the bathroom mirror, he became aware of sounds leaking through the walls. Mumblings and moanings and deep sighs; it was not difficult to place what those sounds signified. He thought they must be coming from an adjacent apartment, he knew the walls in his own place were pretty thin.

Cory shut the bathroom light off, ready to head back to the couch and hope he could get some more sleep. When he stepped out into the hallway and paused to let his eyes adjust to the lower light, he heard the loudest groan yet issue from what seemed pretty close by, and then he noticed the glowing edge under the closed door of what must be the bedroom. His blood flowed a touch faster in embarrassment. Of course Shawn probably had a girlfriend, maybe she even lived with him, and Cory was being horribly invasive. He should just leave now, even if he wasn’t sure where he could go. Though he knew if he knocked on his parents’ door in the wee hours of the morning, he’d be welcome. 

“Oh just like that,” came a voice through the door that was surely Shawn’s, and Cory felt even more uncomfortable. He turned towards the living room, ready to grab his shoes. Before he’d taken two steps, a male voice that was definitely not Shawn’s commanded, “You like that huh, slut?”. Then a woman’s moan again, and what seemed like her voice saying, “Yeah he does. Look at him squirm.”

Walk away, Cory told himself as he stood there frozen, just walk away. 

“Please,” Shawn’s voice begged, raw and needy, and Cory felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Against all of his better judgment, he slowly turned towards the bedroom door. He knew it was absolutely none of his business what Shawn did in his bedroom, but…

“Just remember you asked for it,” the man-that-wasn’t-Shawn growled, and Cory heard a thump and what sounded like a whimper from Shawn. Horrified, Cory padded silently towards the door, though he didn’t think anyone in there was too concerned with anything outside of the room. Telling himself not to, but unable to stop himself, he brought a hand to the doorknob, half expecting it to be locked. It wasn’t. It turned easily and silently in his hand, and he was able to open the door, peeking in when it was cracked, scared to death of what he might see. 

The bed was positioned the long way across from the door, so Cory got a full view of everything immediately. Shawn, the man who had been his bestest of best friends all through his childhood, was naked and on all fours in the center of the bed. His arm muscles strained as he held himself up while his slim torso led to the curve of his nude ass and then to his strong, tensed, spread legs. Pre-come glistened at the swollen end of his erect cock hanging underneath his belly. Even in the lowish light from the bedside table, his entire body boasted a sheen of sweat. He wore only a black fabric blindfold, which prevented him from seeing the voluptuous woman who lay with her legs open splayed in front of him, wearing flimsy red lace panties and nothing else. Her long brown hair spilled over her breasts, one of which she was fondling and clearly enjoying it, as she had her head back with eyes closed and mouth slightly open. 

Behind Shawn, on his knees in an upright position, crouched a guy with easily double the muscle mass of Shawn, and a tribal tattoo that covered most of the meaty bicep that was turned towards the door. He had short blond hair and a feral, angry expression on his face. As Cory watched, this man looped a piece of leather over Shawn’s head, catching his mouth with a ball in the center of the leather strip. Shawn obediently lifted his head so the man could tie the straps behind his head, making it so that Shawn could now not make any real sounds. Cory stood there, stunned, eyes wide. It was like a train wreck; he couldn’t look away even though he really didn’t want to see any more. 

Shawn’s head drooped back down, his face now mostly covered between the ball gag and the blindfold. The blond behind him roughly grabbed the back of Shawn’s head, twining his fingers in the almost-black hair. Cory shifted uncomfortably as he watched the man get further into position behind Shawn, his huge hard cock poised against the smaller man’s buttocks. He was disgusted to find that he was growing hard himself witnessing this scene, by the lines of Shawn’s body and how vulnerable he was, being held in place like that. Cory unconsciously pressed a hand to the crotch of his jeans, but that didn’t help. 

“If you take this like a good boy, maybe you can eat my pussy,” the woman cooed, writhing the prize a bit, inches from Shawn’s face.

“I know you can smell it from down there,” the man growled, and shoved Shawn’s face down further, causing his body to bend at an even sharper angle. “Maybe if you’re good enough, I’ll even let you fuck her. I know you must be rock hard, you little whore.” Shawn half whimpered, half moaned, a sound that was all but lost around the gag. Cory’s breath hitched and his stomach turned over. He was caught between horror and his lust, and horror at his lust. This was unlike anything he’d seen before, especially live, in front of him. Shawn seemed to be okay with this, his limbs at least weren’t bound by anything that Cory could see, and that had not been an exactly unhappy moan just now. He still knew he should leave, just turn around, but he felt strangely a part of this now, though he knew it clearly had nothing to do with him.

Now there was a huge meaty hand covering one of Shawn’s ass cheeks, moving it away from the other, while the man’s other hand continued to hold Shawn down by the hair, his face almost completely in the mattress, his nose almost buried in the woman’s crotch. She was wildly groping both of her breasts now, and one of her feet came to rest on Shawn’s shoulder. The blond’s penis, huge and swollen, hung for a second at Shawn’s puckered entrance, then the man thrust forward with one violent movement of his hips, and a guttural scream issued from Shawn’s throat, again mostly swallowed by the gag. As the man pulled back to thrust again, Cory’s body did three things at once: he lost his erection, his knees went weak, and his mouth went dry. Another thrust, and Cory, hardly knowing what he was doing, had pushed the door all the way open. Another thrust, and another deep moan of pain and pleasure from Shawn was all it took.

“STOP IT!” Cory screamed, shaking and not even knowing it. He watched as if in slow motion, as the man finished the thrust he was in the middle of before two sets of eyes turned to this sudden intruder. 

“Stop it!” Cory yelled again, “Get the hell away from him!”

Predictably, the woman screamed and scrambled for a sheet to cover herself, only coming up with a pillow at the moment.

“What the fuck?!” someone yelled, and the muscled man let go of Shawn, leaving the slighter man’s body to slump to the mattress. Cory sprang forward as if he could catch him, then stopped himself as he saw Shawn roll to the side. His cock was still hard, and he looked so...beautiful was the word that would come to Cory’s mind later. But very, very naked and vulnerable. 

“Who the fuck are you?” the blond man roared. Cory’s attention was split between the still blindfolded and gagged Shawn, and the much bigger man that looked like he might kill the puny guy that had interrupted his fun. From somewhere deep inside Cory found a reserve of courage he didn’t know he had.

“Get out. Both of you,” he screamed at the man and woman. “Get your clothes and get the hell out of here.” He began advancing on the man, completely unsure of what his plan was, but feeling rage pour off of him such as he’d never known. He saw the guy’s eyes widen in uncertainty.

“Chad, do you know this freak?” the man asked, and Cory heard Shawn’s voice answer wearily, “Yeah unfortunately I do.” Then, in a sterner tone, he said, “Cory. Cory,  _ stand down _ ,” when Cory continued to just stare at the blond, his every nerve bristling. He shook his head, and his eyes found Shawn again, his lower half wrapped in a sheet and his face, now free of bonds, looking tired and livid. Cory stared at him for a second, mortified, before he turned and finally ran from the scene. He strode quickly out to the living room, stopped just long enough to grab his sneakers, and had all intentions of fleeing the apartment completely but he heard voices of departure and instead burrowed back into the couch, throwing a blanket back over him. 

“Another time,” the woman was saying. “Our place next time,” with a somewhat nervous laugh. 

“Yeah, I’m...really sorry guys...” Shawn’s voice dripped embarrassment. 

“Don’t worry, that hole’s tight enough to keep me coming back for more,” the blond said in a low, intimate rumble, and the woman giggled. Shawn laughed breathily, and there was a pause before Cory heard the door open and close. Then silence. Curled into the couch, hardly daring to breath, Cory felt more than heard Shawn walk into the living room, to the end of the couch, and stand there. 

“I know you’re there. Get the fuck out.” His voice was cold, hard, and left no room for argument. Cory peeled the blanket off of himself and barely dared to glance up at Shawn as he slipped his sneakers on and tied the laces. The dark haired man stood like a vengeful statue at the arm of the couch, overseeing the eviction of the worthless soul who had ruined his night. He wore a green silky robe that gaped open to his waist and Cory’s face burned, shame and embarrassment and confusion, with still healthy doses of lust and rage all battling inside of him. He stood when his shoes were on, and made himself turn towards Shawn. He had to to leave anyway. Shawn just stared him down like a harpy, hate clear on his face. 

“I-I’m sorry-” Cory tried.

“Just go,” this was met with. Cory hung his head and rushed to the door. He put his hand on the knob. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. They were supposed to go out for breakfast. Cory took a deep breath, and looked over his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He knew nothing about Shawn’s life, granted, but if he was bringing people to his place to do things like that to him, could he really be happy? Shawn turned to him, but only closed his eyes and breathed once slowly through his nose. 

“I can’t call the police on you because I invited you into my home, like a fool. But I’m pretty sure I could take you if you make me physically throw you out. Don’t make me.” Cory nodded twice, slowly, sadly, and without another word turned the knob, and slipped out the door. Shawn re-locked it after him and tried to let his anger out on another deep exhale. 

Heading back to his bedroom and fixing the sheets and pillows, he decided he really should have known better than to continue with the rendezvous  _ and  _ give Cory shelter for the night. It should have been one or the other so lesson learned. But who could have known that Cory would have barged in and, like some kind of white knight, tried to come to Shawn’s rescue? He’d always been like that, though, Shawn reflected; sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Cory had never been able to be accused of being normal. 

Tired and done with this night, Shawn reclined on his bed, thinking forlornly of the amazing sex he’d missed out on. His asshole begged to be used like it had just begun to be not a half hour ago, and his balls were starting to ache with unreleased need. He switched off the bedside lamp and slid down his pillows in the dark, spreading his legs as he went. His hand smoothed down his rigid abdomen that he was so close to sculpting into a six pack, and continued on down to his already half erect again cock and then onto his deliciously sore ball sack. He caressed himself gently, ghosting his fingers over his shaved scrotum, relishing the buildup of pressure in his shaft again. He could only pretend now that a fine specimen of a cock was entering his ass and beginning to move as he held his legs open for it. Biting his lip, his body writhing slightly, he began jerking himself off in earnest, the satin robe pooling and sliding underneath him. 

Soon he had one hand clutching his balls as tightly as he dared, while the other hand was a blur on his dick, coaxing and rubbing. He was so close. Suddenly an image popped into his mind, and he smiled as his teeth almost drew blood on his lip. Cory Matthews, on his knees in front of him, hands bound behind him, face upturned to Shawn, eyes wide and a little frightened. Usually Shawn liked to be the one being taken advantage of, but in his current mood regarding Cory, he figured this was fitting. As his orgasm drew closer, fantasy Cory opened his pretty little mouth for Shawn to roughly shove his dick in. Fingers entwined themselves in that curly hair and used it as leverage for Shawn to shove Cory’s lips further onto him. Cory gagged, eyes watering, and now Shawn was full out fucking his face. He deserved to be choked. Both fantasy and real life Shawn peaked in an explosion of come, it pouring down Cory’s raw throat in his mind and it hotly coating his abdomen in his bed. He weakly reached for the paper towels he kept in his nightstand to clean himself off with as he shoved the image of his ex friend, especially in any sexual context, away. 

Shawn loved the escape of his secret sex life; he could be whoever he chose on a particular night. No relationships, other than the tenuous trust built with other like-minded anonymous individuals and couples, no emotions, no baggage. He didn’t even like fantasizing about real people in his life, past or current, as he’d done tonight. No one ever stayed, no one was ever going to stay, and Shawn had not only gotten used to that, he had embraced it. It was part of who he was. So he liked getting his rocks off and moving on with his life. As he went to sleep while the sky lightened in the east this time, though, his mind lingered on a man that he’d known so well and now no longer did, or wished he didn’t anyway, and he resented the man for that. 


	3. Chapter 3

It took Cory an hour to find his rental car where he’d parked it near the bar, and the sun was almost coming up by that time. He hadn’t paid any attention to which streets Shawn had led him down the night before. As he walked, he tried to focus on noticing anything that looked familiar that would point him back to the area of the bar, and not events that had happened in the last couple of hours. He was forever an optimist, that was the problem, and he knew it. He’d had no right to hope that Shawn might forgive him for abandoning him all those years ago, but still he had. After being in the man’s presence for about five minutes, he’d let himself start to hope that maybe the chance meeting was fortuitous and they had a shot at forging a new friendship. Now, even if that had been a possibility, Cory had well and truly screwed that up. 

He found the car, and slipping behind the steering wheel, realized he still had no idea where he was going. His phone had died long ago, so he now plugged it in and began looking for hotels. He told himself it didn’t bother him that no new message notifications popped up once the phone was back on, even though he hadn’t told anyone he was leaving town. He’d arranged a mini vacation with work, which his boss was happy to grant, hoping he might come back in a few days more productive or at least less mopey around clients. What he didn’t know was that dependable Cory Matthews barely made it to work every day at all. Since the divorce, uncontested and as streamlined as it could be, Cory had been just kind of floating through life. He went through the motions; he got himself an apartment, and even some fish, and he went to work every day, and he watched the Phillies play every weekend, and sometimes he’d even have dinner with a friend. But at the end of the day, his anchor was gone, and though he really, truly, did not miss her or regret the split, this on-his-own-thing was completely new territory for him. He was doing the best he could, but damn. 

He and Topanga had been together for essentially all of their lives. Monkey bars, skinned knees, and taunts across the playground. Bad hair, first kisses, school assignments, self consciousness, break ups, and jealousy. Graduation robes, acceptance letters, new cities, uncertain futures, and launching of careers. Apartment leases, sleepless nights, and finally angry silences and unforgivable resentments; they had experienced it all. He would always love her; that was unquestionable. But they finally had to admit that they had grown apart. Life had been great when her law firm had sent her to Chicago from New York almost ten years ago now. It was an unheard of honor for a brand new partner, to be in charge of a new branch. 

Cory followed her eagerly, even though it meant moving too far away from all he knew. Shawn had been the most difficult of course, and they both openly cried on the day Cory stepped on that plane. Promises were made of visiting, of a place to crash when Shawn came to Chicago, of phone calls all the time and nothing would really be different. Still, Cory felt like he was leaving a piece of him behind. Saying goodbye to his parents and Eric, Morgan, and Josh had not been as bad. Topanga was completely understanding, as she always had been when it came to Shawn. Cory asked why they couldn’t just have brought him with them, like they did when they moved to New York in the first place, and she just laughed affectionately at him and hugged him tight. He knew, of course: they’d grown up. This wasn’t college anymore. Shawn was busy establishing himself as a journalist, he’d already gotten his own place, and the trio didn’t really spend that much time together anymore. Such is the way of things. But they were still within walking distance of each other, not plane rides or almost two days’ drive. 

Chicago was new and interesting, and after New York almost mellow, and Cory grew to like it well enough. He had his amazing wife, he found a good job as a travel agent, they found a nice apartment on the south side, and they had been begun talking about children when they got a little more settled. In both of their professions, it was easy to meet new people and expand their circle of friends. But at least twice a week Cory and Shawn would be on the phone with each other, sometimes not even having that much to say but talking anyway because they couldn’t stand to hang up. There were many nights that Topanga would be asleep by the time Cory came to bed after getting off the phone, and on some of those nights he dreamed that he was being held in Shawn’s arms instead.

“I figured moving away would stop it,” she blindsided him with one day. 

“Stop what?” Cory asked innocently. He held the pictures in his hands that he’d just received in the mail of Shawn doing some sightseeing on a recent trip. It felt so good to see his face again, even if only in pictures. He couldn’t know how longingly he was studying them. 

“This,” she said, gesturing to the mail in Cory’s hands. “I mean, I know you guys are close. But...it’s a little too close, if you know what I mean.” Cory didn’t. This was Shawn, his best friend, his everything. Of course he missed him like crazy; was that so wrong?

It was the beginning of the divide, of Topanga asking for more attention, of getting angry instead of just going to bed when Cory would be on the phone with Shawn for more than a half hour. It was hard enough to stay connected to each other with the distance and their separate lives, but now that she was interfering it became almost impossible. Cory was torn in two. He loved Topanga more than anything else in this world but he needed Shawn. Shawn understood, or at least he pretended to when he explained it to him as delicately as he could; that his wife was getting jealous and he had to take a couple steps back. Cory wanted to make her happy and keep her content; his life was essentially founded on those things. 

So he tried to spend more time with her, and talk and think about Shawn less, but all he found was that he was miserable and not very good company. Both he and Topanga noticed this but they ignored it, pretending it was just a phase. One day Shawn called with the news that he’d gotten the job at the ad agency after trying his hand at freelance journalism for some time and not being able to stay afloat with just that. Cory and Topanga were just about to walk out the door for a lunch date with friends, but when Cory heard Shawn’s voice, he settled into his armchair with the phone like the rest of the world didn’t exist. He didn’t even notice Topanga tapping her foot, standing by the door, the fiery impatience in her eyes. 

This was the last straw for her. She wouldn’t have even labeled it jealousy, but didn’t a wife deserve to have her time and her needs respected? She gave Cory an ultimatum, which she honestly hated to do, but waiting it out hadn’t worked. There was to be no more communication with Shawn. It was time to grow up. If they were going to start a family soon, Cory’s focus had to be here, not on the past. Cory still didn’t understand why she was so upset. It’s not like he was flying to Philly every weekend to spend it with Shawn, though if he was honest with himself, he would have dearly loved to. The mere idea of him going to visit Shawn threw Topanga into a tearful rage, and Cory never wanted to see her like again. He hadn’t seen her this upset, in fact, since her parents had gotten divorced, and at that time he had almost lost her. It scared him enough to tell Shawn the unthinkable: that he had to cut contact. Just for a bit, though, he swore, until this blew over. He’d call him soon, maybe even sneak away and come see him for a day or two. 

Shawn’s heart heard these words with ice forming in his veins.

“Don’t bother,” he’d said, crushing Cory, and hung up. The hole he punched in the wall next to the phone cradle lost him his security deposit on that apartment. 

Cory stared at the phone in his hand, heartbroken and numb, and punched in Shawn’s number again. And again and again and again. To no avail; Shawn never picked up, and Cory’s only reward was renewed warmth and closeness from his wife. A reward that most men would gladly have latched onto, and Cory tried, he really did, but there was always a hole, a blank spot, in his heart that was never filled again. The trip to Spain helped, bought heavily discounted courtesy of Cory’s success at his job. He and Topanga spent the days snorkeling, the evenings at beautiful restaurants, and the nights in each other’s arms again. Maybe it was time to start thinking about those children. But then they got home, and what had become the normal patterns reasserted themselves. Though they now always went to bed at the same time, Cory had taken to reading poetry, and he did this until Topanga shut the light off. He knew she wanted him to hold her, but he was far more comfortable on his side of the bed, able to stretch out. 

Maybe it was where they lived, and they moved to a different apartment, able to afford something a little bigger now anyway. Maybe it was their schedules, both working a lot, and they each tried to work at home a bit more. Maybe they had hobbies that were too different, so Topanga came to some sports games with him, and Cory accompanied her to the art galleries. No matter what they tried, though, they felt their souls slipping further and further away from each other. Cory would try, in secret, to call Shawn still, every once in awhile, until the number was disconnected, and even beyond that, refusing to believe he had really lost him. He told himself he would find him again, that on a trip home to visit his family he would track him down. But Topanga kept those visits short and busy, and months and years went by, Cory losing nerve with the time passing. He was thankful for his job; at least he could help happy couples and families and friends plan the vacations of their dreams, even if he couldn’t have the life he’d once hoped for. 

It could have been worse, he conceded. He and Topanga did not fight all the time, and neither one sought attention in another’s arms. Their relationship just quietly died, until divorce was the only logical step. He willingly gave her everything they had gathered in their life together, and found a tiny apartment for himself. His fish were named Patrick and George, names that he would have given to his sons, if he’d had any. Thoughts of finding his old friend no longer haunted him at this point. He had mourned this loss in his life and though he would never forget Shawn, he had no choice but to accept the course of things. There were no regrets when it came to losing his wife, but when it came to losing Shawn…

Cory checked into the Best Western and laid his head on a real pillow gratefully. His mind still reeled with all the emotions of the past day, and he hadn’t been used to really feeling emotions for some time now. He was also still physically exhausted from the traveling and wandering. He was asleep within moments, and in his dreams he was being held by a pair of strong arms, something he hadn’t dreamt in years. 

Upon waking, Shawn stretched his naked body languidly, then took a long hot shower. It was late in the morning, but that was okay. He firmly told himself he wouldn’t work on his latest ad campaign this weekend, as the sun was shining and begging him to take a walk or jog in it. On his way out, he folded and put away the blankets that had been left on the couch, erasing any reminder of last night. Nothing worth remembering. 

Cory slept until past noon, then rolled over and flipped on the TV. He hadn’t taken time off from work to lay in a hotel room and veg out, he told himself, but it was so hard facing the day. He’d begun to wonder why he’d come here, back to the city. There wasn’t much here for him anymore, but then he corrected his thoughts. What about his parents? He had to go see them, they would want to know he was all right. And maybe he’d stop into Chubbie’s for a late lunch, but then stopped there. That would be far too hard and bring up far too many memories. 

He went anyway. The closer he got to the old hangout, the more his heart squeezed. When he and Topanga had come for visits, they had never just wandered easily; she’d had an itinerary and they’d stuck to it. It didn’t allow for sentimental trips down memory lane. As he drove by John Adams High, he had the urge to go in and see if Mr. Feeny was around, though he knew he wasn’t. The old man had retired from Pennbrook just two years ago and finally moved south. Cory was happy for him, and a little jealous. To have all the strife in your life over with already, and be able to relax for the rest of your days. In many ways, Cory would always be an old man at heart. 

Chubbie’s had changed, but not enough for Cory not to be able to replay so many of his teenage years’ moments in his head while he was there. He sat at the counter and ate his BLT and fries, and his eyes roved over the burger joint. Over there was where the booths were that Cory and Shawn used to sit in all the time, to his right was the table that he and Topanga had made out at so often. In the corner it looked like there was a still a pool table that he and Shawn had shared so many games at. The jukebox was gone, but Cory still knew the spot by the stairs that Shawn had eagerly awaited many a date. They’d fought here, and made up here, and joked around here, and often had serious conversations here. It had been a mistake to come. Cory threw some money on the counter and emerged back out into the spring sunshine. 

He decided to walk to his parents’ house since it was such a nice day, and it would give him time to shake the past off and to construct what he would say. Turned out he didn’t have to construct anything: his parents weren’t home. He realized his dad was probably at the store, working too much like usual. But where was his mom? His question was answered as her car pulled in and she got out, hands filled with shopping bags. Cory went to give her a hand, and at the sight of him, Mrs. Matthews’ eyes lit up. She placed the bags down on the driveway where she stood and took Cory into her arms, hugging him the way only a mother can. This was what coming home should feel like, Cory thought, resting his cheek on the top of his mother’s head for a moment. 

“Oh Cory, sweetie,” she began, “We’ve been worried. It’s so good to see you. You look so thin. I’ll call your father at the store and get him to come home early and we’ll have supper together.” She ignored his protests that he’d just eaten, and fed him cookies as soon as they were in the door. It was good to be back. 


	4. Chapter 4

“How long you staying for?” his father asked, and Cory was genuinely sorry when he told him only a couple of days. He should have come here directly yesterday, instead of ending up in that bar and…

“That’s long enough to catch a game or something at least,” his dad returned. “I’ll look it up and see what’s going on tomorrow.” Cory smiled, feeling almost like he could let himself be young again here. His mom had fed him a wonderful meal, and they hadn’t asked the questions of why or how or what happened like he’d been dreading. Just welcomed him with open arms like no time had passed. 

“You’re staying here, right?” his mom then asked. “You can share Josh’s room.” Cory glanced at Josh, a quiet blond haired kid that Cory had mostly seen grow up so far in pictures. He didn’t look excited about sharing his room, even if it had once belonged to his older brother. 

“Nah, I don’t need to,” Cory started. “I’ve got a hotel room.”

“Nonsense,” Mrs. Matthews replied. “You go check out of there this minute.” She gave him a warm smile, and he found he couldn’t argue. So Cory walked back to his car in the evening breeze, drove to the hotel and gathered his things. Upon returning to his childhood home, he reflected on how so many things could stay the same while other things utterly changed. Eric now lived a few towns over, and had one of his little siblings that he sponsored through the Big Brother program staying with him this weekend. Morgan was away at college, in finals for her nursing degree. The house next door no longer belonged to Mr. Feeny, a development that had happened over a year ago, but it was still hard not to see him tending his rosebushes behind the fence. 

But the tree house was still there, and the basketball hoop where Shawn had beat Cory countless times. The house still looked the same, except for Cory and Eric’s old room. A streak of jealousy shot through Cory when he saw that Josh had been able to do whatever he wanted to the room; there were sci-fi movie posters everywhere, and an awesome replica of the solar system hung from the ceiling. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not actually staying,” Cory told his little brother as soon as their mom had left the room. Josh looked at him quizzically. They had all just watched a movie, and even though it was barely past ten o’clock, Cory had yawned and said he was getting tired, so Amy had bustled up here and gotten Eric’s old bed ready. They had kept it for company, which meant Josh was always the one getting family members bunking with him. 

“You can. I mean, I don’t care,” Josh said with a shrug and reached for his headphones. He seemed so disinterested, so bored with life. He made Cory want to take him to the zoo or something. Maybe he could start taking weekend trips out here regularly. He was sure his boss would let him work from home enough to have occasional Fridays or even Mondays off. 

“Nah, I’m out of here. Just don’t tell Mom and Dad,” Cory told him before Josh could turn the volume up on his music. His brother’s eyes sparked in curiosity as Cory opened the window. He wondered if he was still agile enough for this. Besides, this had always been Shawn’s specialty. Cory stood there for a moment, almost able to see Shawn, fourteen years old in his beat up leather jacket, sitting in the window seat in the moonlight, about ready to take off again, believing nobody wanted him and that he had no real home or family. Cory had tried to convince him that of course he did, but in the end he’d been unsuccessful. So very unsuccessful. 

Cory carefully lumbered through the bedroom window and into the adjoining window of the tree house, holding his breath and not looking down. He was pretty sure if he fell and broke something, he was still young enough to heal. He wasn’t quite thirty yet; he could still do this. Instead of jumping to the ground from the tree house like he would have done as a kid, though, he carefully backed down the ladder, hoping the old boards nailed to the tree trunk would hold him. Even being cautious like this, he was filled with an exhilaration he hadn’t felt in years. Sneaking out, having a one track mind on a hare brained scheme: Cory might as well be a teenager again. He headed to where he’d left his car, a block over from the house on purpose, determined. He needed to see Shawn again, he needed to make him talk to him; that was all there was to it.

Shawn had almost kept his promise to himself of no work. He’d just gone to clear off his table of some of the papers so he could actually eat dinner at it but he’d gotten distracted. How did one make a granola bar sound exciting? This was his latest challenge and he didn’t seem to be making any progress with it. He stared at the advance prints of the possible packaging designs for what seemed like the hundredth time, and jotted down some words. “Fruit. Oat. Nuts. Find Strength in Simplicity.” Maybe. He was good at this, but sometimes he hated that he was good at this. He barely ever wrote much else anymore, his last published real article in a real magazine having been almost a year ago. He’d wanted to be a journalist, traveling the world; his ultimate dream was to see his name in National Geographic. Instead he paid the rent with catchy lines about cereal and shampoo and motor oil. His crowning achievement was a book of poetry that he’d published right after college, when his ambitions had been at their loftiest. It had sold less than a hundred copies and told Shawn all he needed to know about those dreams. 

Life had a way of changing your plans, so Shawn was thankful that he’d never really made many of those. In a lot of ways, he still lived as he had in high school: one day to the next, relying on his own wits and a healthy dose of luck. Sure, he’d matured since then, able to play the role of grown up, but the fourteen year old that would not admit he needed validation was still buried somewhere in there. 

The twenty-nine year old checked his personal ad to see that the latest responses were just a few dick pics, and he rolled his eyes. Some of them were nice specimens, surely, but without contact information he couldn’t touch them and so had no use for them. Here was a picture of a nice set of tits as well, but again, no way to contact her. Amateurs. Shawn flipped his laptop closed and decided he was going for a drink or two. On his walk to the bar, a tiny warning sounded in the back of his head, but he figured surely the idiot wouldn’t come back to his bar for a second round. 

He drank beer tonight, Sam Adams, and put some money in the jukebox. His fingers skimmed past the Counting Crows to settle on Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. As “Don’t Do Me Like That”’s first chorus began he walked back towards the bar, making sure to brush the cute blond’s ass on the way by. He would have grabbed it, not sure he wasn’t in the mood for a fight if that’s what came of it, but he didn’t want to get thrown out. The young man slyly met Shawn’s eyes as he slipped by and Shawn smirked at him. The blond went back to the pool game with his girlfriend, who hadn’t noticed a thing. 

Of course he wasn’t home, Cory thought. Or maybe he just wasn’t answering the door. Maybe he had more company over like he’d had the night before, and who knew what was going on in there. Cory tried to block that out of his mind, but the memory of Shawn, sweaty and naked and blindfolded, played through his mind yet again. He stood in the hallway of the apartment building outside of Shawn’s door and leaned his forehead against it. Cory closed his eyes, feeling very alone all of a sudden, and knocked his head several times slowly into the wood of the door, as if he was trying to knock sense into himself, or something out of his consciousness. 

Shawn climbed the stairs to his apartment a little slower than usual, not because he was drunk or overly tired, merely because he was caught up in a text message conversation with a pretty brunette he’d just met at the bar. She’d had to leave, to get her friends home safely, but Shawn had gotten enough signals from her to get her number and he was going to see if he could entice her to come over in a little bit. He smiled at his phone as she sent him a winky face, then he drew level with his door, key in hand, and his smile fell.

No. No, no, no, no. What the hell was he doing here?

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked Cory, who was sitting on the floor in front of him, resting his back against his door with his knees on either side of his head. He didn’t look that much different than he had sitting on the curb last night. He looked up at Shawn’s voice, visibly jumped, and started to rise. Shawn wanted to hit him, just sock him once in the stomach and be done with it. He would run away like a little bitch, and hopefully Shawn would never have to see him again. Isn’t that what he had wanted when he had told Shawn he had to break off communication eight years ago? Why was he haunting him?

Cory stood, his legs shaky, and stared back at Shawn evenly. He was determined not to back down this time, no matter how cold that glare was that he was receiving. 

“I...I think we should talk. I need to talk to you.” Shawn barked out a cruel laugh in response.

“You need to go back to where you came from. And I need to be able to live my life in peace,” he told Cory. 

“This is where I came from.” Cory’s voice was getting stronger. “And you call what I saw last night peace?” He winced at himself at that. He hadn’t meant to bring that up so baldly, but it was an image that might never leave him. It was an image that was making his heart ache. 

“How I choose to spend my time is none of your business. None. Zip. Zero. Yes, we were friends once, but we’re not anymore. Now you’re just a bad penny that keeps turning up. Go away Cory.” He knew he sounded harsh, not fueled by anger as he’d been last night, but what options did he have? Cory was gaping at him like a fish. He tried not to see the hollow look in his eyes. 

Shawn stepped forward and used his sturdy shoulder to brush Cory aside so he could open his door. He almost expected Cory to grab him, to latch onto him as he slipped past him, or to shove his foot in the door so Shawn wouldn’t be able to close it. He did none of these things, and Shawn was on the other side of his closed door before he knew it. He sighed, having the feeling Cory wasn’t going to just go away, so this would now be another night of fun he was going to rob Shawn of. He certainly couldn’t invite a girl over with a sad lump lurking in front of his door. He pulled his phone out to text her, to keep the flirtation going. He could definitely keep her in his back pocket for when this ridiculousness was over. 

He was tossing his phone onto the couch, planning to follow its path and watch a movie when Cory started knocking. Shawn glanced at the door to make sure it was locked, then grabbed the TV remote. He’d have to go away eventually. Shawn would just wait him out. Then he heard his name called out. More knocking. Then his name again. Goddamn it, it was nearing midnight; he was going to disturb the neighbors. Shawn went to the door but didn’t open it.

“Cory,” he hollered through the wood, “Don’t make me call the police. Just  _ go away _ .” There was a pause, and Shawn thought maybe he’d listened.

Then, “I can’t,” came back through the door, in a voice cracking in on itself. “I won’t. Go ahead and call the police, arrest me. It’s no more than I deserve.” Shawn listened to this with a mix of annoyance and pity. The guy must really be in a pathetic place, he thought. 

“Shawn, I miss you,” he heard then, quieter and more raw. “I miss you and I’m more sorry than you can ever know. I don’t blame you for hating me.” Cory didn’t know what to say anymore. He didn’t want to let Shawn go again, now that he’d found him, but if he utterly rejected him, what was he supposed to do? He hadn’t come here to be a bad penny. Eight years’ worth of pain had bubbled to the surface. 

Shawn’s wrist flicked the lock and the door opened to Cory leaning against the frame, nose nearly to the wood. He didn’t move as Shawn’s face appeared in front of him, his eyes staying focused on the past. He looked lost. Sad and lost and sorry. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worth a small trigger warning for a very vague mention of suicidal thoughts.

Shawn did not do well with emotions. He’d felt enough of them in the first quarter of his life to decide that they just got in the way, pulled you around, and messed you up. He took it as a sign of growth that he’d moved past letting his own control him, and tactfully ignored most everybody else’s. Now here he was, being confronted with somebody that caused so many emotions once upon a time, and that person looked almost ready to cry. Shawn had not asked to have to deal with this. But for some reason, he had opened the door. 

Cory continued to stare ahead, eyes down, as if he didn’t dare to look up at the person in front of him. Shawn didn’t know that he was holding Cory’s future in his hands at this moment, and that was a very good thing. He most likely would have dropped it and ran, if he’d known how much rode on his next reaction. And Cory would have crawled away, utterly defeated. Not that he would be planning on it or anything, but with the hope that had been rekindled this weekend dashed on the rocks, he would give up. His parents would blame Shawn when they learned he’d last been there, his fishes’ automatic feeder would run out and no one would be there to refill it, and Shawn would be tormented with nightmares for the rest of his life. 

“I don’t hate you,” Shawn heard himself saying. I don’t particularly like you either, he didn’t add. The pain was too raw on Cory’s face, and though it was making Shawn uncomfortable as hell, he was not a complete asshole. Cory’s eyes finally raised, flickering over Shawn’s features, then glanced away again. 

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, the picture of miserable. 

“For what?” Shawn asked. Maybe it was cruel to make the guy say it, but Shawn wanted to know how far he was willing to go.

“For everything,” came the answer. “For you know what.” Now Cory’s eyes stayed on Shawn’s face. Shawn felt his edges cracking, like a can being opened, and he didn’t like this feeling. He could still slam the door shut, he thought.

“Get your ass in here,” he told Cory abruptly, and turned away as he swung the door wider. He ran his hands through his hair much like he’d done in high school all the time, a sight that made Cory’s heart skip a beat. Cory was wound up tighter than a rubber band; he was terrified of making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing. So when he stepped into the apartment, all he did was close the door behind him and stand at the threshold awkwardly, trying to watch Shawn surreptitiously. 

Shawn had walked as far as the couch and leaned his butt against the back of it, folding his arms across his solid chest. He looked up at Cory, a small lock of dark hair escaping to hover over his right brow. He regarded the other man, seeing for the first time the tiny crow’s feet that had formed at the edge of his warm brown eyes, the hollowed cheeks from not taking care of himself, and the way he held himself while sober and scared, like if he made himself small enough he could disappear. No one had ever more looked like they needed a hug.

“Want a beer?” Shawn asked him flatly. Cory shook his head and Shawn stayed where he was. He didn’t really want one himself either. 

“All right,” Shawn started, because he didn’t know if Cory ever would, “You have my attention. You wanted to talk. So talk.” Cory’s eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip, staying silent. Shawn wondered if he was just going to stare at him all night, and he raised his eyebrows at him, as if to urge him on. 

“I’m sorry I screwed up your night last night,” he finally began, but then stopped, and his weak expression changed. “No. Wait a second. I’m not sorry, in fact.” Shawn saw the same look that he’d seen last night, that sudden fire in Cory’s eyes, the daring and the dredged up courage. It was an attitude that oddly suited him, and as annoyed as Shawn had been when it first came out, he had to admire it. His eyebrows rose even higher, his right one cocking, curious to see where this was going to go. 

“How could you let them do that to you?” Cory asked. “They were hurting you.” Shawn barked out a laugh. Of course innocent little Cory Matthews would not understand. 

“I hardly think what I do in my own bedroom is any of your business,” Shawn said, “But for your information, I happen to like that.” Cory wrinkled his brow.

“Well, I didn’t.” 

“Again, nothing to do with you.” He could tell Cory was grinding his teeth, debating on saying more. 

“Are you at least safe about it?” he asked. Shawn shook his head. Why was he tolerating this questioning? He saw Cory’s eyes widen again, in concern this time, thinking the head shaking was Shawn saying no.

“Yes,” he said quickly. “I screen people best I can and I get tested every six months. And we make sure we set up safe words and signals before we start. It’s not a world I would expect you to understand.” 

“That’s not a life,” Cory returned, his voice getting stronger again. Shawn prickled. 

“Well, it’s my life,” he retorted.

“I don’t like it,” Cory said stubbornly. Now Shawn was getting pissed again. 

“Well, too freaking bad,” Shawn said, his tone brooking no argument. “Like I said,  _ my _ life. You don’t have a right to say how my life should be since you walked out of it eight years ago! You gave that up then.” 

“I didn’t want to! I never wanted to! She made me!” 

Shawn almost spat at him at this. He’d known that had been the way of things, that Cory had never been able to stand up to Topanga, but he’d thought that she wouldn’t have that much control over him to turn him from his best friend. Take him away - yeah, Shawn had always known that would happen one day, but even as it was happening, Shawn had duped himself into thinking that he still had Cory to some degree, that he would never be taken from him completely. Then that call had come, and Shawn had lost any faith he’d had in the world. The  _ one person _ that had never abandoned him, the  _ one person _ that was always supposed to be there, no longer was. Shawn had had to fight for well over a year to not spiral into a dangerous pit of alcoholism and worse things. And he had come out stronger for it and determined never to get attached to anybody again. The sex with strangers helped to fill the void that Cory had created, but now Cory didn’t like it. How rich, Shawn thought. 

“Don’t give me that! You let her! It was still your decision!” 

“What was I supposed to do? Leave her for you?!” As the words fell out of his mouth, the truth and the implications of them, and the regret, sank in even further. It was something he’d only thought in the darkest of nights, and never spoken of out loud to anybody, not even himself. 

“No!” Shawn returned, the phrasing making him cringe. Just because at one time he’d felt he couldn’t live without the guy, it didn’t have to mean...that. 

“As if you could have anyway,” Shawn heard himself taunt his ex friend. Cory had to admit the truth of this as well, and that certainty made him angry all over again, at himself this time. Why the hell wasn’t he strong enough? Why had he allowed the friendship, the bond, of a lifetime, to die? Because he was a coward, too scared of the unknown, too scared to take a chance? Well, not anymore; he was done with that. His furious righteousness carried him forward, making his legs move toward where Shawn still leaned against the couch, looking like a god. A pissed off, prickly god. 

Steel blue eyes fought to stay cool as Cory stood toe to toe with him. This was a new development. Cory stared Shawn back down in turn, the fire in him stoked. He licked his lips, then clenched his jaw. If he paused any longer he wouldn’t do it. What did he have to lose at this point? 

Was he really going to…? Shawn thought for half a second before Cory clumsily smashed his lips into his. I guess he is. Then Shawn had to concentrate on keeping his footing. Cory had collided with him hard enough and suddenly enough to push Shawn’s upper body back a bit before he recovered and was able to press back. He kept his arms folded because they were pressed against his body by Cory’s chest but he shifted his feet so he had a firmer foundation. Cory’s hand had reached for the back of his head, and Shawn’s hair was getting tangled in his fingers. His lips were hot, and wet, and needy. Shawn may have tried to wish that he’d been able to not kiss him back, but instinct kicked in and his eyes closed as his lips moved with and against the other man’s. He tasted a trace of blood, released as Cory had rudely slammed his lips into his teeth, and it turned him on slightly. What the fuck, why not, Shawn figured, and finally began kissing Cory back in earnest, just beginning to give back a portion of as good as he was getting. 

Cory had never kissed a guy before, had only rarely thought of it, but any ideas he may have had about it were being far surpassed. Or maybe that was just because it was this guy. He leaned into Shawn, trying to pull him even closer to him with his hand behind his head. He could feel his lips bruising as he pressed them harder and harder still against Shawn’s. He couldn’t think about what he was doing, because if he did he was scared he’d stop. For the moment, this just felt so right. Shawn grunted, his trapped arms struggling against Cory’s torso. They broke away for the quarter of a second it took to release them, then the two men were smashed together again, chests and hips flush, and Shawn’s strong hand on the small of Cory’s back, pulling tighter. 

Shawn’s lips finally parted slightly under the onslaught, and Cory found himself biting down on the lower one, attempting to be relatively gentle. Shawn let out a tiny moan, then all bets were off. His tongue dove into Cory’s mouth and claimed it. Teeth clashed, the corners of their mouths both stretched taut, and still they both fiercely dug for more. Cory’s stomach felt like it was doing flip flops, and he couldn’t be sure he wasn’t shaking a little. He definitely felt tighter in the crotch of his jeans. The men broke apart long enough to take a ragged breath, and then tackled each other again. 

This felt way too good, Shawn was thinking. Cory was not supposed to be able to do these things to him; to make his blood run hot and turn him on like this. Sure, maybe Shawn had had a couple fantasies like this in his time, and there were those wet dreams when he was still a teenager. But the idea of Cory actually making his dick hard and being all over him like this, he wasn’t sure what the world had come to. If this was going to happen, it should have been years ago. It should have been me instead of her, ran through Shawn’s mind, very much not for the first time. Now he waltzes back into my life and thinks he can just do what he wants. Shawn couldn’t suppress another moan as Cory’s tongue swirled around his. Okay, it was time to take back control of this situation. 

“Get on your knees,” Shawn half growled, half purred into Cory’s ear the next time their lips parted for a moment. Cory’s face drew back from Shawn’s, eyes widening, and Shawn’s pulse quickened with his daring. Whatever weirdness was going on between them, Shawn would solve it now: he’d use Cory like he had in his most recent fantasy. It would horrify him and get him to believe that Shawn was not this good person that Cory was trying to believe he was, he’d finally get lost, Shawn could go back to his life, and he’d get his dick wet as a bonus. He could feel Cory’s hesitation, but he simply stared back into his brown eyes, making his own as cold and demanding as he could. Cory responded willingly, seeming almost scared to say no, and Shawn felt a beat of sympathy mixed with the rush of power. He ignored that beat as Cory crouched in front of him. 

Shawn undid his jeans and watched in exultation as Cory’s eyes nearly fell out of his head when Shawn’s mostly erect nine inches was revealed to him, very close to his face. He licked his lips. Good boy, Shawn thought nastily. He stroked his hot-to-the-touch cock once, twice, to help it reach its hardest potential. Why did Cory look so sexy gazing up at him with that look on his face? That expression definitely held fear, but it also held something else: hunger. Well, Shawn would make sure he filled him up. 

“Put your hands behind your back,” Shawn commanded. Cory looked confused for only a second, then he followed orders, wobbling a bit on his knees as he worked to keep his balance. Shawn wondered just how much he could make this boy do; how much power exactly did he have over him? His blood thrilled a bit at the thought, while at the same time he had the urge to wrap him in a hug and alleviate any fears he might have about what Shawn was going to do. But no, what Shawn was going to do was shove his cock down Cory’s throat. He pushed his pants down just far enough to still spread his legs and be able to gain a strong stance as he drew closer to Cory, his erect penis looming towards the waiting lips.

“I-I’ve never done this before,” Cory confessed, his voice not much above a whisper. Shawn’s hand came out to smooth along the side of his victim’s face, almost tenderly. 

“We’ll go slow,” Shawn heard himself say, though his lust shook its fist at him for the words. He wasn’t a monster. “Are you okay with this?” Shawn was asking now, before he could stop himself. He was literally inches away from having his dirty fantasy fulfilled, what was he doing rolling the dice on it now and taking the chance that Cory wasn’t okay with it? But in response, as Shawn looked into his eyes, Cory slowly and clumsily leaned forward, being careful to keep his hands behind him as requested, and opened his mouth around the head of Shawn’s dick. His lips slid over the ridge, and Shawn’s knees almost buckled as Cory’s tongue ran along the vein, warm and wet. He jerked back in shock, not truly ready for just how hot the sight of having his cock in Cory’s mouth was.

“Was that okay?” Cory asked, his expression anxious, clearly worried that he was not doing a good job. Shawn had to breath a couple times before he answered. 

“That was great,” he sighed. “More. Please,” he added on, forgetting that he was supposed to be the one in charge. He brought his cock back to Cory’s waiting mouth, and relished how it slid back into his lips. It was all Shawn could do to stay standing while Cory learned how to suck dick, practicing on him. He had the wetness down, Shawn noted with satisfaction. His tongue was clumsy and unsure but it wanted to please and Shawn let him play. His cock throbbed with pleasure and his heart squeezed as he watched Cory’s face, intent and focused. Not only was this incredibly hot, there was something…sweet...about the way he lavished attention on Shawn. Shawn rested his hand on the side of Cory’s face, lightly cupping his cheek as it hollowed as he began to suck in earnest. Shawn tensed a couple of times when Cory’s teeth accidentally but almost expectedly grazed him, but Shawn found he rather liked it. His hand meant to continue on towards the back of Cory’s head, to force it further onto his dick, but it just couldn’t quite leave its spot holding Cory’s face. Shawn began to pump as gently as he could, feeling himself getting closer. Cory moaned, deep in his throat, and Shawn didn’t know how much longer he could last. Cory’s eyes were watering a bit, he noticed, and then he opened them and suddenly gazed up at Shawn, meeting the stare that had been focused on him intently the whole time. 

Shawn lost it as those brown eyes met his, filled with intensity and unearned trust. He felt his balls release and too late he almost wished he could pull back and spare Cory drowning in his come. He watched as the man took it in, though he could tell he was having a difficult time, and Shawn could have given him a tip or two, but speech was impossible. He wasn’t aware that he’d kept up a pretty steady mantra of “oh god oh god oh god” for the past few minutes and was now grunting as he emptied himself into Cory’s throat. Now Cory finally gave up and Shawn had to brace his legs as Cory’s hands came to steady himself by gripping onto the sides of Shawn’s thighs. He watched Cory carefully as Cory truly swallowed every drop of him, and then Shawn grabbed one of his hands and yanked him back to his feet. 

Now his hand finally looped around to the back of Cory’s head as he planted his lips back on the other man’s and shoved his tongue in his mouth. He tasted himself and felt deliciously dirty. Pulling back again, he opened his eyes to a dreamy look on Cory’s face. He smirked and reached down, his palm pressing against Cory’s groin and the sizable bulge there. After yanking his jeans back up, he steered Cory around to the front of the couch and playfully shoved him down into a seated position. 

“Pants off,” Shawn commanded. “It’s your turn.” He started working his tongue around his mouth, building up the saliva to make this good for Cory. 


	6. Chapter 6

He put more effort into that blowjob than he put into most, and he was rather disappointed when Cory came after what seemed to Shawn only a few minutes of playing. Of course, Shawn knew what he was doing; how to swirl his tongue around the tip, how to suddenly engulf the whole member in wetness, how to build up just the right amount of suction. Cory could not stop moaning from the second Shawn’s lips touched him, and though Shawn had not at all planned on reciprocation initially, he found he was enjoying this. He was good at being a whore, and he was proud of his talents. Cory tasted amazing sliding down his throat. When Shawn had licked every last drop off of him, he drew back and looked up to see Cory’s head thrown back, not moving. Shawn smirked heavily; he’d reduced the man to gelatin. Not the first, not the last, he thought as he patted Cory’s thigh to try to bring him back to reality. 

Cory blindly reached out, presumably for his pants, which Shawn started to reach for to be able to hand him, but Cory’s hand landed on Shawn’s face, his index finger almost up his nose. Shawn snorted and pulled his head back, wearing a half smile. Cory had always been cute in his own clumsy way. As Shawn stood back up from his spot kneeling between Cory’s spread legs, Cory’s hand continued to grope, and Shawn found himself catching it with his own hand. 

Cory squeezed it tight, his head still leaning back, and said, “That beer sounds good now.” Shawn squeezed his hand back in return without thinking before grabbing Cory’s pants off the floor where they’d been tossed and plopping them on the couch next to him. He withdrew to the kitchen for the drinks, taking his time opening them to give Cory a chance to redress. Upon returning to the living room, he handed the other man his beer and snatched the remote before sitting down on the couch next to him. He didn’t linger on the hazy look that Cory wore as he pressed the on button and the TV flared to life. Before taking their first sip, Shawn and Cory clinked the necks of their bottles together in an unspoken toast. Flipping stations, Shawn ran across an old episode of Seinfeld and stayed there. Both men settled deeper into the couch, both flies and buttons undone, both drinking their beer, both not knowing what to say, or if anything should or could be said. They just sat and watched TV together, comfortably spent. 

Cory only made it halfway through his beer before Shawn felt a heaviness that he found to be Cory’s head drooping onto his shoulder. He took the half drunk bottle out of his loose grip, placed it on the end table, and turned the volume down on the TV. He was keeping his mind carefully blank, watching the antics of Jerry and his friends. Glancing over at Cory, asleep and leaning against him, was dangerous. For when he did, he had the urge to take the man’s hand in his own again, and this time see how their fingers twined together. He had the urge to lay a kiss on his forehead and help him stretch out on the couch against him, and he wondered how it would feel to hold him. None of this would do, so Shawn just watched two more episodes of the old show before his own eyelids started drooping. 

He was woken up by a, “Shit!” and Cory working himself into a seated position, pushing against him. They had ended up both leaning over to the left, half laying down, Cory using Shawn as a body pillow. Shawn struggled to open his eyes, and saw the TV still on and the crack of light between the curtains. 

“What time is it? I gotta go,” Cory was saying, stumbling to his feet and shoving his sneakers back on. 

“It’s only like, 6 am,” Shawn croaked out, glancing at his watch. He hit the off button on the TV remote while he was at it, shutting off some children’s show. Cory was doing his belt back up. “My parents think I’m asleep at their house. At least, I hope they do. Hopefully Josh didn’t lock the window.” Shawn looked up at him, still unwilling to move himself, though his neck was not the most comfortable against the arm of the couch. Cory’s curls were mussed, his clothing was wrinkled, and there was a crease on his left cheek from Shawn’s shirt. Shawn felt the corners of his lips turning up in spite of himself.

“Were you a bad boy last night?” he asked him, his voice pitched low. He paused while Cory looked down at him in realization, and watched him remember their activities before they’d dozed off. “Sneaking out of the house?” he added innocently. 

Cory froze where he was, stepping in front of Shawn, and stared down at him for a moment. Why he’d come back here hit him then, and he was filled with confusion and a thrill that ran from his belly to his toes. Shawn had...and he had...Cory almost sat down on the floor suddenly. Shawn was being so calm. Of course he was, Cory thought, because that’s what he did; he was always in complete control and never let anything ruffle his feathers. He was just a whirlwind and caused everyone else around him to lose their minds in the meantime. A beautiful, infuriating whirlwind. Cory may have stayed glued to that spot forever, but Shawn finally began sitting up, scratching his head behind his ear and attempting to smooth his hair back. His pants were still undone, and Cory felt the color rise in his cheeks. He didn’t regret anything, but...um. 

“I- should go,” he got out. “Dad and I are going to a game later.” 

“Okay. Have fun,” Shawn said, with barely a glance up. He’d dug his phone out of the couch cushions where it had gotten shoved and was studying it. That was much easier than the alternative of seeing Cory with that look on his face when he looked at him. 

“Okay,” Cory said, with mustered nonchalance. He began moving toward the door, forcing himself not to look back, not to say anything else. 

“Where’s your phone?” Shawn suddenly asked, still from the couch. 

“Right here. In my pocket,” Cory replied. He put his hand on said pocket instinctively. 

“Gimme,” Shawn said, now standing and holding out his hand. Cory complied, wondering. Shawn took it for two moments, then handed it back. He finally met Cory’s eyes. 

“Text me when you’re done at the game.” Cory stared at Shawn for a second, then looked down at his phone. Shawn had indeed put his number in it. He nodded quickly. 

“Okay,” and he moved towards the door, scared to stay around longer, scared Shawn would say, “just kidding” and kick him out again. 

His heart fell when Shawn did call out, “Hey.” Cory stopped, his hand on the doorknob, and very slowly turned his head over his shoulder. Shawn had followed him, and now he reached for Cory’s chin and gently drew his face closer. He kissed him, somehow firm and soft at the same time, then released him. 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Shawn said, then headed back to the living room, leaving Cory to see himself out. 

Josh mercifully had left the window unlocked, and Cory was as stealthy as he could be about climbing back into his old room. His little brother didn’t appear to stir. Cory slipped into the bathroom and took a long shower, brushing his teeth thoroughly, his mind on overdrive. That was  _ not _ what he’d gone to Shawn’s for. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened, but he didn’t mind that it had. Except that they had not actually talked like he’d wanted to. All he’d wanted was a truce, to apologize and to see if they could be tentative friends again now that Cory was free. Instead he’d gotten the blowjob of his life. From Shawn. And he’d sucked Shawn’s cock as well, and swallowed his come. Cory gargled for good measure. 

He laid down, pretending he’d be able to nap for an hour or so, but all he ended up doing was staring at Shawn’s name and number in his phone. He had to stop himself ten different times from sending a text now. He had no idea what to say anyway. If only he could know what was going on in Shawn’s mind. He was so aloof but then there’d been that kiss right before Cory left. Did he think he was going to make him one of his toys, was that it? Cory hoped not, because as much as he would have liked to think that he would say no way, in the back of his mind he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t settle for that, if that was the only way he could have Shawn. 

Cory’s mind lingered on him all day: as his dad knocked on the door of the bedroom, “waking” him and Josh up, clearly excited to spend time with two of his three sons; as they took their seats at the ballpark; as they bought hot dogs that Cory ate a little too self consciously. He did the best he could to be present with his dad and brother, and it certainly did feel good to spend time with them again. Josh was slightly more lively today, but Cory could tell baseball wasn’t really his thing. He liked NASCAR, he confided in his older brother during the fifth inning, and Cory drew on his limited knowledge of the current drivers to draw Josh out of his shell a bit more. He watched his dad go crazy when the Phillies hit a home run, and laughed alongside him to the mascots’ antics. He recognized that this was a precious day, time with family a rare occurrence in a world that would demand he go back to his real life all too soon. And still he couldn’t keep his thoughts from drifting back to Shawn. 

Cory watched the score closely and was beyond thankful that the game was not going to go into extra innings. He even found it hard to care that their team lost, something that once upon a time would have been blasphemy. As they filed out of the park with the rest of the crowd, his dad suggested going for ice cream, and Cory could hardly refuse, though he swore his phone was burning a hole in his pocket. Upon reaching the car, he finally gave in and pulled it out. It was after the game now. Still not knowing what to say, he simply typed “Hey” and hit Send. He followed that up with “It’s Cory”, just in case. 

“It’s really good to get to spend some time with you, son,” his father said, looking over at him with a weathered grin as he positioned the car to leave the lot. Cory smiled back at him.

“I’m glad I’m here,” he told him. 

Shawn spent the Sunday in his usual way; doing laundry and housework in preparation for another week. After chores were done, he usually curled up on the couch with a book and let himself be lazy for the rest of the day. It was relaxing downtime that he looked forward to. Today though, Cory’s text came just as he was finishing the last load of laundry. So far, Shawn had been able to keep focused on the tasks at hand, and not think too much about Cory or the fact that he had given him his digits. He knew he’d never get rid of him now, unless he changed his number, like he’d eventually done before. But he liked his phone number...and he liked Cory. As much as he was trying not to look that in the face, the thrill that he got when his phone went off and it was him slapped him upside the head. 

He’d known the guy was going to text him, it wasn’t like it was a surprise, but all the same it made Shawn happy in a way that he couldn’t remember having been for a long time. It was a feeling he wanted desperately to brush off like the dust on his bookshelves. He knew better than to get attached to people, especially in a romantic way: this was one of the fundamental lessons of his life. After Angela never came back, it had taken him a long time to try to look at anybody in that way again, and the one or two individuals he had thought he liked in the past several years proved his theory correct as well. Shawn was just not meant to be in a relationship. He was truly fine with that – more time to pursue his goals, freedom to do what and who he wanted, and no hurt feelings for anybody. Now the problem was that he knew if he continued talking to Cory, somebody would get hurt. Shawn could say all he wanted that he wouldn’t let it be him, since he’d been mostly able to protect his heart thus far in his adult life, but he felt the edge of the knife even as he smiled at Cory’s text. Feelings meant pain. And on top of the normal stuff, there was too much history with this particular person. This one had already betrayed him; Shawn didn’t know if he could ever forgive that. 

But in the deepest depth of his soul, he had to admit, from the moment Cory had stumbled into him in the bar, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. Of course, Cory had made it almost impossible to forget him for more than a moment over the past couple of days: barging into his bedroom, stalking his apartment, kissing him with more force and passion than Shawn may have thought him capable of. Of course, that’s just the way Cory was and always had been, once he got a hold of an idea or something he wanted he never let it go until he had seen it through to the absolute bitter end. That made Shawn think about him and Topanga and the realization that the couple of the century had died. He wondered what had happened, even though it wasn’t his business. Wait, Cory had seen him in a very compromising position hours after not seeing each other for years. Shawn decided anything he might want to know about Cory and his life was in fact his business. 

“I figured lol” he texted back to him in response to “It’s Cory”. Then he sent “Lunch? Chubbie’s? For old times sake?” 

“Sure. In about an hour?” came back almost immediately, and Shawn smiled again. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Good news?” Alan asked, nodding towards the cell in Cory’s hand. His son was giving the phone an almost affectionate half smile. His father’s voice brought him out of his impromptu reverie. 

“Yeah. I think so,” Cory said. “When we get back to the house, I’m going to take off, if that’s okay. Going to go meet up with Shawn.” It felt odd but nice to finally be able to say those words again.

“Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time,” his dad replied, looking over at Cory and noting an obvious change in his demeanor.

Cory glanced at himself one more time in the car’s rear view mirror after he’d pulled up near Chubbie’s, wishing that he’d thought to go get his hair trimmed. He wore jeans, a tee shirt, and today a black hoodie. He knew Shawn would look like he’d just stepped out of a photo shoot again, and Cory tried to shake off his insecurities. After all, this was just two friends meeting for a simple lunch, he reminded himself. Sure. 

As soon as he walked in, he saw a hand waving to him from the bank of tables along the wall, where booths once sat. And if he wasn’t mistaken, the table that the hand’s owner was waving from was right about where “their” booth used to be. Cory went to sit across from Shawn, simultaneously feeling like no time had passed and like they were no longer the same people that used to sit here. He smiled, as confidently as he could, at the man across the table from him. He had the distinct feeling he was being observed, if not judged, which didn’t help his nerves. Shawn was wearing an almost skin-tight black tee, which also didn’t help. Cory did have one thing that he inexplicably had to say, and he took a deep breath before he lost his nerve. 

“Just so you know, I’m not going to be of one your...your playthings, your whatevers,” he rushed out in greeting. Shawn studied him for a moment, a bemused look in his eye and then that sexy left brow raised again. 

“Noted,” he said, nodding once, sounding like he might be trying not to laugh. But Cory was being serious! “Don’t worry, I don’t have lunch or really am seen in public with my whatevers,” Shawn added, more somberly. “So, how’s the fam?” He changed the subject sharply, deciding it would be better if they didn’t start a conversation with the subject of him and his sexual adventures for a change. 

Cory updated him on everything he knew about his family’s current welfare, and as he talked, Shawn realized he’d missed the Matthews. Amy and Alan had loved him like a son once upon a time, but when Cory had stopped talking to him, Shawn had had to let them go too. They certainly would have answered the door or the phone if he’d called, wanting to talk about Cory and what he’d done. But they wouldn’t have been able to do anything, they wouldn’t have been able to fix it, so he didn’t try to seek a comfort that only would have been bittersweet. 

“So...tell me about what happened with Topanga,” Shawn probed gently after they’d gotten halfway through their burgers. Cory sighed, stared at him like a man drowning, and told him. It wasn’t anything shocking, overall, but Shawn had wanted to hear it from him, to be able to believe it was really over. It was hard to wrap one’s brain around. But Cory definitely talked about her in the past tense, and though his tone was serious, it wasn’t sad, and he told Shawn about his apartment and trying to be on his own. They had finished their meals by the time he was done. 

“So what about Angela?” Cory asked now. “You guys never…?” 

“Ha ha, yeah right,” Shawn scoffed. “Did you really think she’d come back to me? After Europe? What did I have to offer her after that?” Cory tilted his head momentarily.

“A lot, if you asked me,” he said, then couldn’t hide a big yawn. 

“Tired?” Shawn asked mockingly. 

“Yeah well, someone kept me up late last night,” he reminded him, the faintest hint of pink rising on his cheeks. 

“Someone showed up at my door last night, already late,” Shawn said. “You know, I was going to have company over, too...I was texting a girl when I came home and found you.”

“Oh.” Cory didn’t want to give away how much that bothered him. He had a feeling he wasn’t being very successful. He was just not a person that could hide emotions. But this did remind him of a question he’d been tossing around, if Shawn was willing to answer. “So...do you like men or women?” Cory was confused. 

“Both,” Shawn said easily. 

“When did you discover that?” Cory was surprised that Shawn was letting him ask these kinds of questions. 

“Shortly after you told me we couldn’t be friends anymore. That was kind of a dark time.”

“Oh,” Cory said again, now feeling bad all over again but not any less confused. He opened his mouth for the next question but Shawn, sensing where he was going, interrupted him. 

“Cory, are you sure you want to talk about that?” Something in his tone and his narrowed eyes made Cory pause when he’d been about to say yes. Something that spoke of things that maybe Cory wouldn’t want to hear, that maybe Shawn didn’t want to talk about. Cory did want to know, he did want to talk about it, but maybe not right now. He let the subject drop for the time being. Instead, he asked about work, and about Shawn’s apartment, and they chatted about the mundane every day stuff, reacquainting each other with the other’s life. 

At a lull in the conversation, while Cory sipped the dregs of his soda, Shawn looked around the restaurant and asked, “Place hasn’t changed much, huh?”

“Not as much as it might have,” Cory answered. “In a way, I’m surprised it’s even still here.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Shawn said. “I drive by it sometimes but I didn’t know what the inside looked like anymore.”

“You mean you haven’t been in here? For how long?” Cory asked. Shawn caught his gaze.

“In forever. Why would I, without you?” He wanted to kick himself for how soft that sounded but it was the truth. If it wasn’t for his job and how well he had kept doing it, he didn’t know if he’d even still be in the same town or, for that matter, state. The two men’s hands had been resting near their respective glasses of soda, inches from each other, and now finally Cory closed that space and tentatively brushed his fingers against Shawn’s. 

‘Danger, danger!’ Shawn’s brain screamed at him, but he looped one of his fingers around one of Cory’s anyway. He was rewarded with a shy, sweet smile aimed at him from across the table. He forced his own expression into a poker face. He didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to fight this. Damn it, Cory was not his type anymore! If he’d ever been. Shawn had been able to convince himself that any more-than-friends feelings he’d perhaps at one point harbored for his best friend had been bred of familiarity. That if he and Cory met in a different time and a different life that Shawn wouldn’t be interested in him. But here Cory was, proving that theory wrong, curse him. One by one, the rest of their fingers found each other and latched on. 

“I’ve missed you, too, you know,” Shawn let slip out quietly, eyes fixed on the ice in his glass. He’d buried the fact for eight years but that didn’t change the reality. Cory just squeezed his hand tighter and didn’t say anything, scared he’d ruin Shawn’s train of thought, when it was finally going Cory’s way. 

“How did we let this happen?” Shawn asked. 

“It wasn’t ‘we’, it was me. I was the idiot,” Cory answered emphatically. 

“Yeah you were,” Shawn agreed. “But I shouldn’t have given up so easily. I should have gotten on a damn plane and showed up at your doorstep and refused to leave.” Cory listened to this and his eyes widened. He let out a short, humorless laugh. 

“She would have blown a gasket.” Then he sobered. “And I probably would have still listened to her.” He looked sad again, and turned those pathetic big brown eyes on Shawn. “Can you ever forgive me, Shawn?” He knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness, he knew it would be a miracle. But feeling their hands locked together, he thought maybe miracles weren’t out of reach anymore. A signature smirk grew on Shawn’s face as he attempted to lighten the mood.

“I might be able to be persuaded, somehow,” he said in return, his voice low and his hooded blue eyes looking at Cory in a way that made it unmistakable how he was thinking he could be persuaded. Cory felt his skin prickle under that stare. He hadn’t figured out yet how Shawn could do this to him, to his body, to his thoughts. Before he could get lost too deeply in those eyes, he blinked and brought himself back, not wanting to let Shawn distract him like that again. 

“No, I mean, for real,” Cory said, relentless. “I never should have -”

“We were both young and stupid,” Shawn interrupted, rubbing his thumb over Cory’s knuckles. “Truthfully? I don’t know if I can forgive you.” Cory’s heart dropped a bit. “At least for awhile. I haven’t had to worry about it for years. I just pushed it all away. It really hurt, Cor.” This was the most vulnerable Shawn had let himself be with anybody in a very long time. But something about Cory’s warm eyes and the way he gripped Shawn’s hand and his sincerity was getting to Shawn. He didn’t have a whole lot that was genuine in his life. 

A breath squeezed out of Cory’s lungs at the sound of the old affectionate nickname as well as at the confession. His arms suddenly ached to wrap around Shawn and at least attempt to make things better. He knew he had to say something instead. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you,” Cory told him, “And I don’t care how long it takes. If you’ll let me, that is.” And there went any shred of pride he might have been holding onto, Cory thought. He’d just given himself over to Shawn’s mercy. But really, he’d always been there. Shawn gently took his hand back, worrying Cory, but the check needed to be paid. The moment was over. Cory handed Shawn some cash for his half, and he took it wordlessly. The two men got up from the table, and turned towards the exit. 

“So,” Shawn broke the silence before it could get too awkward. “When do you leave?” His voice was level, but Cory’s imagination twisted it into asking if he was going to abandon him again, and right after he’d made that promise. 

“Tomorrow morning,” he said flatly. Then, all at once, “I have to go back to work, my boss only let me have an extra Friday and Monday. I mean, I could probably call him and get it extended, but I can’t miss out on too many sales, and I think some of my regular clients are waiting for me to get back so they can book their trips with me, and I have to think about my fish -”

“Cory. Cory.” Shawn broke through. “It was just a question. Obviously you have to go back. It’s okay.” His enthusiasm scared the hell out of Shawn, to be honest; was he low key suggesting he’d stay in Philly if Shawn asked him to? He knew he might, and that terrified Shawn. The guy had said whatever it takes, and he was a literal person. But for right now, this lunch had been enough. He needed some time on his own to process things. So when Cory said he wanted to visit Eric, almost regretfully, Shawn assured him that this was also all right. Cory even invited him along, clearly not wanting to part, but Shawn just shook his head. They were standing by the rental car now, Shawn having followed him without totally meaning to. Cory leaned his back against the driver’s side door, stalling on opening it.

“Am I going to get to see you again?” he now asked the million dollar question. His voice was trying to be strong, but the need leaked through, and pulled on Shawn’s heartstrings. Tomorrow morning would be here all too soon, Shawn suddenly realized, and Chicago and Philadelphia hadn’t gotten any closer together. The sun was lowering in the sky even now. He reached out and rested a hand on Cory’s shoulder, that almost immediately sneaked up to his neck, just inside the collar of his hoodie. 

“Yes,” Shawn said clearly, and watched some of Cory’s anxiety melt away. A hand grabbed his hip and lightly tugged. Shawn complied, and leaned into Cory, feeling his arms enfold him in the first true hug Shawn had experienced since...well, perhaps since Cory had last hugged him. When they’d clung to each other in tears in the airport, holding on far longer than two men, one with a wife looking on, and one with a girlfriend who just happened to still be overseas, would normally do. Cory’s hand had gripped Shawn’s opposite shoulder then just like it was doing now, and Shawn’s hand had cupped the back of Cory’s neck, just like it was doing now. Those touches were the limits of what they could express then, but now Shawn was able to pull back and meet Cory’s lips, and Cory was able to respond, one hand in Shawn’s hair again, and one reaching down to grab a very firm ass cheek. 

They kissed for a few moments, aware of eyes watching them as people passed by. Shawn knew he had to stop or he’d start to think about bending Cory over the hood of the car, and he was trying to be good. They did hold each other a little longer, observing the way their bodies felt molded together. 

“I’m glad you came back,” Shawn whispered in Cory’s ear. 

“I’m not letting you go now that I found you again,” Cory whispered back. And Shawn was starting to think he meant that literally as Cory’s arms continued to stay around him, but Shawn wasn’t moving either. Finally they shifted, and drew apart. Cory laid a tender kiss on Shawn’s forehead, then, tearing himself away, he was in the car and driving off. Shawn walked back to his car, not even aware that he was grinning like a fool. 


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey, little bro!” Eric exclaimed upon opening his apartment door, and threw his arms around Cory briefly. Eric had kept his hair short, and didn’t look much different than he had in college, he was even wearing an old Pennbrook tee currently. And as Cory stepped into his brother’s place, he found that Eric’s personality hadn’t changed much: his living room walls were covered in posters of cartoon characters and his mismatched furniture looked like it might belong on a kids’ TV show set. There was a stack of games and toys, some of which Cory was shocked to see were actually educational, in one corner, and at a miniature table and chair set in another corner sat a little redheaded girl in a purple dress. She was watching Cory closely and spoke up when Eric closed the door behind him.

“You’re too big to be Eric’s little brother,” she told him. 

“Kaylynn, this is Cory,” Eric told her. “He’s my actual blood brother.” Kaylynn’s eyes got very wide.

“You mean you cut your hands and swore an oath in blood?” she asked. Cory looked at the little girl in some fear. She couldn’t have been more than six. Where was a kid getting that from? Eric was laughing. 

“No, not like in that movie,” he said. “We have the same parents.”

“Oh,” Kaylynn said. 

“She’s an only child,” Eric explained to Cory, “And her mom has to work a lot. So we hang out on the weekends quite a bit.” He gestured to one of the empty tiny chairs as he sat down in the one across from Kaylynn. “Care for a game of Candy Land?” he asked Cory.

Cory looked apprehensive, and answered, “I don’t know...Morgan used to whip my behind at this game.” Kaylynn reached out to pat his hand. 

“It’s okay. I’ll go easy on ya,” she assured him, and Cory gave her a relieved look. He glanced over at his older brother, happy to see the honest smile on his face as he watched the little girl. Cory was glad Eric had found his calling, though he didn’t know how he didn’t get sick of kids. During the week, Eric worked at a preschool, with really small children, and most weekends he had an older one to watch over through the Big Brother program. Cory didn’t know when he found time for a social life, or to date, but Eric didn’t seem to mind. He kept an album of the kids he had “brothered” through the years and he could tell you each one’s name and favorite color and food. 

Eric had learned to cook, and not only take care of his own place, but be able to take care of tiny humans, all of whom connected with him easily. In some ways, Cory was jealous. Not so much because of the kids, though Cory had thought he himself would have been a father by now, but more that Eric had his life together far more than Cory did at the present. No one would have thought of this scenario about ten years ago. 

True to her word, Kaylynn went easy on Cory, so much so that he actually won, and did a victory lap around the living room, making her giggle up a storm. Eric’s phone went off, and he announced with some regret that it was Kaylynn’s mom, and it was time to take her home. She obediently got her stuff together, and Eric invited Cory on the drive to take her back. Cory watched as Eric expertly buckled her into her car seat, and then was deluged with questions from her on what all his favorites were: food, dinosaur, TV show, ice cream flavor, flower; the list went on during the whole twenty minute ride to her mom’s place, and far from annoying him, it made him really think about what his answers actually were. 

After they’d dropped her off, she and Eric sharing a sweet hug, Eric told Cory, “She really liked you.” 

“I gathered,” Cory laughed. 

“So how’s it going, man?” Eric asked in some concern, out of little kid caretaker mode but still in big brother mode.

“It’s good,” Cory said, and for some reason, he found himself spilling his guts about Shawn. How they had reconnected by accident, and how much Cory had realized he missed him, and how good it was to see him and be able to talk to him, and how maybe he had feelings for him that were not strictly platonic. He didn’t share the raunchy details of course, but he said enough so that Eric knew something happened between them. Eric was nodding by the time Cory ran out of words.

“Totally makes sense,” he said. By this time they were back at Eric’s apartment but still sitting in the car. Cory, red faced and nervous about how much he’d said, glanced over at him. His brother was the first person he was telling that he was attracted to a man. He knew Eric was more open minded than some, but he was still worried about his reaction and approval. But Eric was calm and didn’t seem about to disown him. 

“Yeah?” Cory asked, slightly confused. Eric twisted his body so he could look his little brother square in the face. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “Cor, remember, I watched you two grow up, and I’ve lived with each of you. I was wondering when you guys would figure it out, honestly. When you actually married Topanga, I finally started thinking maybe I was wrong, but I still saw it and I knew I wasn’t. I can’t believe everyone couldn’t see it, and that included Topanga. Especially her.” 

“I think eventually she did, and that was a lot of what drove us apart in the end, even though I broke Shawn’s heart in the process,” Cory said quietly. There was something about a dark car that made it easier to talk about this stuff. 

“I’ve felt so bad for you guys,” Eric told him. “If he’s willing to take you back, I wouldn’t give up that chance for anything.” 

“I don’t plan on it,” Cory replied. “Thanks, Eric.”

“For what?” 

“For being the best big brother I could have asked for.” Eric grinned and started the car again.

“C’mon, let’s go surprise Mom and make her feed us.” 

And so Cory spent his last night in Philadelphia actually at his parents house. Amy was delighted to make up a late dinner for all of her sons under the roof, and was sorry Cory was going to miss Morgan coming home from school by only a few days. Cory promised he would make an effort to come out to visit more often, not sharing that he potentially had an extra reason now, but he saw the knowing grin on Eric’s face. It felt good to have someone know, to be able to have told at least one person. 

After dinner, a game of Monopoly took them until bedtime, and then Josh and Cory played racing video games in his room long after Josh should have been asleep. Amy could hear them across the hall but didn’t have the heart to interrupt. She worried about Cory as only a mother can, and she’d been pleased to see that he’d seemed happier today when he came back with Eric than when he’d left this morning for the game. She didn’t like him being so far away in another city, and she also worried about Topanga, hoping she was okay. 

Cory collapsed into Eric’s old bed that night, exhausted from the long day. He still had to throw his stuff back into his carry on luggage in the morning. Luckily he didn’t have a super early flight, he thought as he pulled out his phone to set an alarm to be on the safe side. He saw he had missed two texts from Shawn a couple hours prior, and he cursed himself. 

“What time’s your flight?” the first one read, and the second one, “Do you need a ride to the airport?” He was tempted to lie in order to have the excuse to see Shawn again before he left, but it wasn’t practical. “10 am. No, I got the rental car” he replied. He fell asleep as soon as he laid the phone down and closed his eyes. 

Shawn had gone to the gym after his lunch with Cory, something he usually didn’t do on Sundays, but wanting to keep moving. He worked out for two hours, picturing Cory visiting Eric and then probably going back to his parents for the night. What did Shawn think he was doing? Cory clearly thought they could pursue some sort of relationship, separated by almost eight hundred miles and a time zone. Shawn didn’t want the guy to get his hopes up, and he didn’t want to lead him on. But he feared he already had. Was Cory even thinking about this rationally? Probably not, knowing him. Shawn showered and left the gym, and went to the only place he could think of.

“Three nights in a row?” Roxie asked him after he’d met her where the bar met the wall in a quiet corner. The place was overall rather subdued at nine o’clock on a Sunday night. “Pickings getting slim there, Slick?” She was the only person he talked to that knew of his weekend bedroom hobbies, and that was because she’d seen him take a fair share of people home from here. Her spiky blond hair matched her no nonsense personality, and though there was a lot Shawn didn’t know about her; her age for instance, they had struck up what resembled a friendship over the past couple of years. 

“No,” he laughed. 

“Mm-hmm,” she teased him. “Even the best fall eventually, honey. What can I do ya for today?” 

“Just a cola,” Shawn said. She nodded approvingly, as if that had been the only answer she’d accept, because it was, and poured it for him. She stayed leaning against the wall while he took his first sip, knowing with a bartender’s sense not to walk away. There weren’t enough other patrons right now that they couldn’t wait. 

“No, there’s this guy...” Shawn started, and before long Roxie had her coworker take over the bar so she could sit next to Shawn on the customer side. 

“Don’t you dare let this one go,” she told him when he’d finished his story. “I’ll kick you in the ass and take him for myself.” 

“What if he can’t deal with my past, with everything I’ve done?” he asked her. This concern boiled in the back of his mind. Cory had seen the side of the iceberg and he hadn’t liked it. What if he didn’t want to be with someone like that? And, Shawn didn’t speak this concern out loud: would he be willing to give up that lifestyle for Cory? He knew keeping both wasn’t an option, Cory was not the kind to ever be drawn into that world. If he was thinking he wanted Cory, it would be devoted monogamy or nothing. Having a stranger whip him and hold him down on a bed didn’t scare Shawn, but the idea of giving himself over to one person like that did. 

“I dare you to at least find out,” Roxie told him sincerely. “If he loves you half as much as it sounds like he does, he’ll accept all of you.” Shawn abruptly choked on his current sip of soda. 

He broke his routine the following morning; he still woke up at five, but he didn’t go to the gym. Instead he laid in bed and argued with himself for awhile, then got up and paced his apartment, talking to himself, and finally got in the car. 

“Philadelphia to Chicago, ten o’clock, Gate Twelve,” blared over the speaker, and Cory hoisted his duffel bag further up onto his shoulder and headed in the right direction. This would be a nice short flight with no layovers, he would get back with enough time to enjoy a lazy evening before he went back to work tomorrow. Having breakfast and coffee and a heartfelt chat with his mom this morning had been a nice last touch to his visit home. He wished he’d been able to see someone else just once more before he left but he sensed that Shawn needed some time to figure things out. All Cory could do was hope that what he figured out somehow included Cory in his life again. All things considered, they were light years from where they’d been with each other three days ago, and for now, Cory would take that. 

But he had to admit that he missed him already, so much so that he was seeing him in other people as he walked to his gate. A similarly built man with dark hair ended up being with a family with two little kids, and the guy that sold Cory a paper at the magazine stand almost had Shawn’s eyes. Even as he approached the seating area by his flight’s gate, he could have sworn the guy sitting on the end of one of the rows, was actually him. Cory shook his head and settled in with his paper. He was going to go nuts thinking about him before he ever even left Philly. Three sentences into the headline story, he felt the hair on the back of his neck rise, and carefully lowered the top corner of the newspaper to glance around at the people around him. Security was tight, but someone could still slip through, he was thinking. 

His gaze landed on the guy that couldn’t be Shawn sitting across from him, separated by about ten feet of floor space. The man was looking directly at him, and his eyebrows were raised in a question, his lips turned up at one corner. Cory’s heart skipped at least two beats. 

“What are you doing here?!” he asked him when he had covered the floor between them in about three strides. 

“What the hell do you think? I’m heading to Alaska,” Shawn tossed out, and shook his head. “I came to see you off, you fool.” Cory’s shining smile was worth any grief he might get from his boss when he eventually showed up at the office. 

“Thanks man. This...this means a lot,” Cory said, trying not to get too emotional. Shawn threw his arms around him in a tight hug.

“It’s what friends do, isn’t it?” he asked, his chin resting on Cory’s shoulder. Cory squeezed him harder. He couldn’t have made him happier if he’d gotten down on one knee and proposed to him right there. They were friends again. Friends. Cory let the phrase settle into his brain while he relished the feel of Shawn’s arms holding him. 

“Flight one oh nine now boarding, Philadelphia to Chicago.” The loudspeaker harshly cut into the hug. 

“I’ll be back. Soon. And I mean it this time,” Cory said fervently, pulling away enough to look into Shawn’s face.

“I believe you,” Shawn assured him, then leaned in. Cory caught his mouth and they shared a kiss filled with hope and desperation and a certain amount of fear. He didn’t want to go, but he had to. The two men kept their eyes locked and their hands clutched together as long as they could, until Cory absolutely had to turn away because he was almost the last person to board. He shuffled along the aisle, trying to memorize the sensation of Shawn’s lips on his while he could still feel them, until he came to his seat. He shoved his bag in the overhead compartment, and sat down. If he got back up  _ right now _ , he thought, he could probably still get off the plane before they sealed the door, and whether he stayed here forever or just until the next flight, he could get that much more time with Shawn. Of course he didn’t, because he was an adult, and he had to resume his life now. 

But...friends. They were friends again. He’d gotten his friend back. This happy thought carried him all the way to Chicago and then some. 


	9. Chapter 9

After being late to work that morning, which his supervisor didn’t even care about because he loved his granola bar pitch so much, Shawn picked up his routine where he’d left it. Gym, work, dinner, reading, sleep. To all outward appearances, it was as if nothing unusual had happened last weekend. Except Shawn was aware of a new sensation when he would get home, or as he was eating his meals, or crawling into bed. One he didn’t even know he could still feel: loneliness. He had chosen to live his life alone a long time ago, and now within three days’ time, Cory had shown up and screwed that up. 

The guy wasn’t even here anymore, and he was still affecting Shawn. Shawn didn’t like it. He didn’t like being distracted at work by memories of kisses, he didn’t like trying to imagine what Cory was doing at any given moment, and he especially didn’t like checking his phone to see if Cory had text. This kind of stuff was done by people that were hopeless romantics, Shawn told himself, not by him. Or by people that were in love, a little voice in the back of his head nagged, but he did his best to shut that voice up. That L word was infinitely worse because it implied something more real than just a crush or a fling. Shawn rarely went to bed with the same person more than once or twice, so no one had the chance to get attached, and it was usually an unspoken rule that kissing was kept to a minimum. 

The problem was, Cory didn’t play by those rules, and Shawn couldn’t expect him to. Cory could not be less like any of the people that Shawn had used or let use him if he’d been a different species, and the truth was that Shawn did like that. Even if he didn’t know how to handle it. Cory was still wholesome, down to earth, rather average boy, everything that Shawn had always admired about him. He was actually still a little amazed that he’d gotten a blowjob out of him, and so quickly. Obviously the Cory of ten years ago had not been that daring but Shawn knew that ten years did change a person somewhat. He let himself imagine what it would have been like if Cory had been that daring back in college or even high school. Would they have gotten together then? And if they did, would they have made it or would they have crashed and burned like most relationships Shawn knew of? Or, would they have saved themselves a lot of grief and uncertainty because they would have been where they were supposed to be all along; together?

Shawn was sighing and rolling his eyes at himself several times a day now for having such sappy thoughts. This was not him. But it had been, once upon a time, the memories buried in the back of his mind echoed. He had wanted the happily ever after at one point, long ago; the happily ever after that he saw Cory and Topanga headed towards. Now, though, on the other side of that, when the most stable relationship he’d ever known of had ended, what did that mean? Either no relationship was worth it, or perhaps that was not the strong relationship it had pretended to be for so long. Shawn had seen the cracks here and there between Cory and Topanga, but they always seemed to patch things up. He’d never really been able to imagine a day where they would truly not be together. Of course, at one time, he would have never foreseen he and Cory losing touch. 

Just went to show, nothing was permanent, he thought; nothing was as stable as he once would have liked to believe. Maybe it was safer after all to keep his heart and emotions behind the stone wall he’d built. Which is why he didn’t text Cory back right away when he contacted Shawn three days after leaving. He did answer him, but he waited a day, not wanting Cory to think he’d been eager to hear from him, or had any power over him. Shawn may have been having uncharacteristically mushy thoughts towards the guy, but that didn’t mean he had to show them. 

Maybe Cory being eight hundred miles away was the best thing. If they’d been in closer proximity, it might be harder to control himself. Because now that he knew how Cory’s fingers felt in his hair, and how his kiss tasted, and how his eyes shone when he smiled at Shawn, he knew, with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, that there was no going back. Cory would never leave him alone. Even if Shawn pulled away completely and Cory got the hint and never spoke to him again, Cory would always be with him. Just like he’d been for the past eight years, like he’d been for the past almost twenty nine years of all of Shawn’s life. He may have stopped talking to Shawn but he’d never left Shawn alone. He was there, in the rubber ducky Shawn had bought for his bathroom, knowing if Cory ever saw it he would like it. He was there, in the memories of sidelong glances and quiet affectionate touches when they were teenagers, that Shawn tried to fuck away with every next well hung stranger. He was there, in the comic book store that Shawn passed every day on the way to work, the one that they went in almost every day the summer they were ten, and that the day it closed Shawn cried over without really knowing why. He was there, in dreams Shawn tried to forget when he woke up, dreams of brown eyes with a knowing look hidden in them and a goofy but winning grin. Damn him, he was always there.

Upon returning to his apartment, Cory checked on his fish and laughed when they came swimming over to the glass to beg for fresh flakes. 

“Hey guys,” he told them, “I missed you too.” Then he looked around his place and suddenly realized the mess that it was. Cory wasn’t exactly a slob, but he didn’t have to worry about anybody seeing the apartment, so he lived in typical bachelor mode: dishes in the sink, dirty socks in the living room, bathroom not as clean as it could be. So even though he’d meant to just veg out and watch TV for the rest of the day, he found himself with a second wind and set about cleaning and tidying. When he went to sleep, properly tired and feeling accomplished, it was with a smile on his face. 

The next day, his boss saw right away that he’d made the best decision of letting Cory have a couple extra days off. It was like this was a new and improved version of him. He could have sworn he saw a spring in the guy’s step, and Cory sold three overseas packages before lunch, his smile winning clients over effortlessly. Cory couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so happy and confident.  It was like he’d claimed his life back by seemingly stepping back in time for the weekend. Not just stepping back, he corrected himself, but a little forward as well. He wished he’d been able to get a current picture of Shawn while he’d been there, but he got out the ones he did have, the ones Shawn had sent him of his trip to Toronto, the ones Topanga had gotten jealous of. Though he looked a little older and was now more buff, Cory’s mind could fill in the changes and he took his favorite picture, the one of Shawn in front of a huge plant at a botanical garden, and tacked it to his bedroom wall. No one to tell him he couldn’t, and in the absence of seeing the guy in person, this would have to do.

He was able to wait three days before texting him, but he wasn’t sure how. Incredibly thankful for the fact that he could call him his friend again, he did not want to crowd Shawn, or demand more than he could or wanted to give. Cory would wait as long as it took for him to come around, to work out that they were meant to be together. He’d done it enough times with Topanga; he was practiced in the art. And this was Shawn. Cory was pretty sure he’d wait forever for him. He already had been for most of his life, he realized. The love he had shared with his now ex wife was real, and romantic, and the stuff fairy tales are made of. Cory had made sure it was. But the feelings that he harbored for Shawn were fierce, raw, and many years overdue. He’d always loved him, but now he was realizing that all that time he’d been in love with him as well. Topanga had seen it, Eric had seen it, and who knew who else, when he hadn’t been able to. 

Even the fact that when Shawn text him back, it took him a full day and his reply was barely three words couldn’t dampen Cory’s spirit. When he got a notion stuck in his head, there it stayed, and this was more than a notion; this was a deep, unshakable knowledge that he had found his way back to where he belonged. Part of him wanted to pack up his stuff, quit his job, and move back to Philly by the end of the month. But he liked his job, and he’d never been the impetuous type. He did make a plan to start putting more money into savings, though, against the day when he might want a new apartment, which perhaps might not have to be in Chicago. He also joined a gym, suddenly self conscious about the few extra pounds he’d gathered through the years. In many ways, Cory felt like he’d been given permission to live again. 

“Okay, what’s her name?” Rob asked after he and Cory had finished their lunch and were walking back to the office together. Rob’s office was two doors down from Cory’s, and he’d been the one to teach Cory a lot of what he knew when he’d started at the travel agency. From that, they had become solid friends, and usually hung out on lunch at least once every other week. 

“Huh?” Cory asked, taken off guard. He’d been watching two little boys sculpting in the sandbox of the playground they were passing, and it made him remember...He quickly turned his head to Rob, a quizzical look on his face. 

“C’mon man,” Rob said, laughing. “I can tell you at least got laid last weekend. You’ve actually been happy since you got back. An old flame from school?” Cory blushed and felt a surprised smile grow.

“Yeah. Yeah, something like that,” he answered. It wasn’t exactly wrong, and he wasn’t about to go into detail. Why not, though? Part of him wanted to shout it from the rooftops: “Shawn Hunter is mine! All mine!” Because he wasn’t, not really, not completely. And Cory would not do anything to screw that up if he could help it, including jinxing it by assuming anything. Time would tell: it had to, and Cory had all the time in the world. 

Shawn sighed deeply as he sunk into his favorite armchair. He knew he would have to get up again to get himself some dinner, but it had been a long week. On second thought, maybe he’d treat himself to pizza tonight. It would be a good reward for how well his presentation had gone; the granola bar company had liked his material as much as his boss had. Life was good. 

Later, after three slices and still in the same chair, Shawn was almost dozing off when his phone buzzed. It was John, or at least that’s who Shawn knew him as, just as “John” knew Shawn as Chad.  “Midnight? My place? I’ve got the lube. If you’re a good boy, I’ll use it”

Shawn shifted in his seat, the heat rising in his belly. This certainly sounded better than sleep. He smirked at the phone and answered “My ass is aching already”, then got up to grab a quick shower. The rubber ducky’s eyes seemed to follow him as he stepped into the tub, and Shawn shook off the thoughts that the inanimate object’s stare presented. He was a free man; he had every right to go get his rocks off and finally get properly filled by that monster cock. He and Cory had not declared anything, other than friendship. Yeah, and even “just” as a friend, you think Cory would be okay with this, the angel on Shawn’s shoulder asked. It’s not like he needs to know, his devil answered as Shawn dried himself off.

“You’re just as hot as I remember,” John greeted him with when Shawn got to the house. This was going to be great; no thin apartment walls to worry about. They could be as loud as they wanted. Shawn had worn a skin tight white tee and very fitted jeans and his ego soaked up the way John was ogling him. 

“Where’s Marcy?” Shawn asked, not seeing John’s wife. 

“Oh, she’s tied up for the night. Why don’t you come see?” And with that, John grabbed the front of Shawn’s belt and led him up the stairs and down the hall to the bedroom. By the time the two men got to the doorway, Shawn had half a hard on that completed itself when he got a glimpse of the naked woman on the bed, tied to the mattress with her legs spread, knees up, pussy exposed and waiting. Suddenly John spun Shawn around like he weighed nothing and slammed him against the door frame. His meaty palm grabbed Shawn’s crotch roughly, impatiently, pressing down and making Shawn squirm. 

“You think you have what it takes to fuck my wife?” John asked, his voice just above a growl. 

“I hope so, sir,” Shawn answered, his heart pounding. He hadn’t actually gotten to sink himself into a pussy in awhile and he was lucky as hell to have found this couple that seemed to be up for just about anything. His cock swelled even more under the other man’s hand, and John smirked. Then he reached up with his other hand and grabbed the back of Shawn’s neck, like he was a cat that needed to be controlled. He steered him into the bedroom.

“Then let’s see what you got, Chad. I’ll be  _ right behind _ you, making sure you do it right. Now pants off.” Shawn’s hands went to his belt, shaking as they tried to undo the buckle. His cock was so hard against the seam of his tight jeans, it was almost painful, but that just turned him on more. His imagination ran wild with the thought of John being inside of him, pushing him in turn into Marcy. If only he could get this belt off. 

Suddenly, with no warning, John’s fingers wound in his hair, pulling at the roots deliciously painfully and pushing Shawn south so hard his knees almost popped. He found himself face first in John’s cock and obediently opened his mouth. He choked, hard, on the first thrust down his throat, and he blamed it on the fact that he hadn’t had time to warm up. His eyes watering, he tried to breath through his nose and get his bearings, but John had already rammed again. 

“That’s what you get for being too slow and leaving the lady waiting,” the man above him chastised. He fucked Shawn’s face for a couple more minutes, then pulled back as quickly as he’d initially pushed in, and it was only his hold still in Shawn’s hair that kept Shawn from falling on his face. 

“Now. I  _ said _ , pants off,” and it was clear by his tone the next punishment would be worse. So Shawn made his hands work, and he got his belt undone, his button and fly opened, but John was impatient. He took Shawn by the throat and pushed him back against the edge of the bed, so that when the back of his knees hit the mattress, he was forced to sit. John then gave him a firm slap to the cheek, then proceeded to tear his jeans the rest of the way off himself. As Shawn felt himself become fully exposed, he was conscious of a desire to cover himself again, but that made no sense; he was rock hard and he couldn’t wait for John’s cock to be buried in his ass. 

“I wouldn’t keep the lady waiting any longer if I were you,” the tattooed man advised, stroking himself. “Or she might just decide all you get to do tonight is watch.” Shawn turned towards Marcy, behind him on the bed, still splayed and ready for him. Her pussy glistened, beckoning. Shawn’s cock twitched in response, and he shifted into position above her. God, this was going to be amazing. He felt John close behind him, but still jumped when a thick, lube coated finger slid its way home. 

“Jumpy tonight, aren’t we, Chad?” And the finger worked deeper. Shawn looked down at Marcy’s breasts, round and perfect, before he closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the finger in his ass. A face, completely unwelcome in this setting, immediately filled the inside of his eyelids, and he quickly opened them again. Marcy was staring at him, begging him with her eyes, she being the gagged one tonight. So Shawn moved his hips so that his cock was just brushing her wet entrance, and drew a deep breath, appreciating the anticipation. He felt the thick penis behind him hovering at his own entrance, and for no reason he could control, he shivered again. Swallowing hard, he braced himself, and thrust. 

Marcy’s heat surrounded him just as John’s heat filled him, and Shawn was in his glory. Or he should have been. 

“Celery,” he threw out, sandwiched between husband and wife. “Celery!” he called out again, wanting to make sure it was clear. He’d never really thought to use his safe word, especially at such a moment of intense pleasure, but here he was, fucking up one of the best situations he’d ever been in. John immediately drew back, not without a disappointed groan, and Marcy whimpered a bit as Shawn slid out of her. 

“Dude. What the fuck?” John’s voice was blank. It was one of the rules that you weren’t supposed to ever question a safe word, but under the circumstances, Shawn understood. He scrambled off the bed and dove for his pants, shoving himself back in them as quickly as possible. 

“Sorry,” he was mumbling. “Sorry, I just...I just can’t.” He looked back over his shoulder at the woman on the bed and then back at John, with his hand holding his erection. “You two…have a nice night.” With that, he put his head down and basically ran for the door, down the stairs and out into the suburban night before John could formulate any more of a response. Shawn reached his car parked in front of the manicured lawn before he realized he hadn’t done up his belt. Slipping into the driver’s seat, he paused for a moment to catch his breath. 

Shawn had performed many walks of shame over the years, feeling no shame about them. As he didn’t now. What he felt while he drove away was that this was more a walk of salvation. Once he pulled up to his apartment, he didn’t even bother getting out of the car before he text Cory, “Hey, you awake?” His phone lit up with a response almost before he could put his phone in his pocket, and he experienced a twinge of guilt for making Cory wait a whole day for a response before. Shawn did hold out till he was back in his living room, belt still not done, before he hit the call button. Cory picked up on the first ring, of course. 

“A kangaroo?” Shawn chuckled at him. They stayed on the phone till it started getting light out in Cory’s time zone. 


	10. Chapter 10

Not surprisingly, it was only two more weeks before Shawn was heading to the airport instead of the bar or a stranger’s house on a Friday evening. At least Cory had been able to find him a good deal, even on short notice. Shawn kept telling himself this was crazy as he boarded the plane and tried to settle in for a nap. It was only a two hour flight but it would still be late when he got to Chicago. Cory was waiting for him, though, at two in the morning, eyes shining as brightly as Shawn remembered, eager to see him and take him home and take care of him. He hadn’t slept well on the flight, and he had to admit, it wasn't so bad letting someone else take over for once. Cory drove him back to his place, led him inside, and set him up on the couch. If Shawn had been hoping for something more intimate, he squelched it. This was his first time here after all. The kisses Cory peppered his face with before leaving him to sleep were about the sweetest thing Shawn had ever experienced.

He woke up to the smell of coffee brewing and eggs cooking. And the sound of Cory humming to himself. Rubbing his eyes and stretching, he looked around the living room to see the two goldfish watching him from their ten gallon tank. He smiled to see that Cory’s movie collection included most of the horror movies that they had watched together back when they were boys, and then Cory’s head was popping over the back of the couch, and a mug of coffee was being pushed into his hand. 

Cory was delighted to take him out sightseeing, starting with the Sears tower, where they easily put their arms around each other to have a stranger take their picture over the Chicago skyline. It almost felt like they were back where they used to be, eight years ago, before they had each had to adjust to a life without the other. It was strange to Shawn how, in an unfamiliar city, he could feel like he had come home. All he had to do was look at Cory, and the tourists and the noise and the urban whirlwind around them melted away. 

The only thing was, the guy hadn’t kissed him yet that day-what was up with that? In fact, he hadn’t kissed him yet since he’d been there. The soft pecks the night before, sure, but not a  _ real _ kiss. Shawn suddenly felt a stab of anxiety and uncertainty. No, he told himself, everything is all right, maybe Cory just wants to move slower. That would be okay; Shawn would be okay with that, really. Man, he hated emotions and wondering what someone else was thinking. He did not have patience for this. So as they were walking down the street to the place that Cory claimed had the best deep dish pizza for lunch, Shawn swallowed fears that he’d never had to worry about before and turned to the other man without warning. He reached out and grabbed Cory by the front of the nerdy polo shirt he wore and drew him closer, their bodies just shy of colliding. He gave him a second to recover himself so he didn’t stumble, which he had to grab onto Shawn’s arms to accomplish, then Shawn fixed him with his most intense of stares, measuring the man and friend in front of him. 

Cory, his eyes wide, stared right back, surprise showing on the surface, naturally, but then his look deepened, and Shawn saw the desire, the yearning, the need, and the acceptance written there. And Shawn felt every wall he’d worked so hard for so long to build around his heart start to crumble. In the middle of the weekend crowds on a busy Chicago street, he finished pulling Cory into him, and kissed him with a desperation he hadn’t known he still possessed. Cory responded at once, molding himself into Shawn’s arms and body like he’d been waiting for this. They were dimly aware of a passing pedestrian or two whooing at them, as well as getting brushed up against as they took up the middle of the sidewalk. But as it had always been, the only two people in the world that mattered to Shawn and Cory were Shawn and Cory. 

When they finally broke apart, no words were exchanged, they just silently fixed each other’s rumpled hair and clothes and continued their walk to the pizzeria. But now their hands were clasped in a tight bond, and they only let go when they finally had to feed themselves. Shawn couldn’t remember the last time he’d done this, or felt this scared. 

That night, Cory led Shawn to his bedroom, by the hand again, as he’d led him around town after lunch. Shawn’s pulse quickened, imagining peeling Cory’s clothes off, even as tired as he was from exploring all day. Then his eye caught something that looked rather familiar hanging next to Cory’s bed. It was that old picture of himself at the botanical gardens in Toronto. 

“What’s that?” he asked, with a playful lilt in his voice. He watched Cory follow his glance, blush a little, then look down at the bed and then up again at Shawn. 

“Oh, um...” was all he got out as his eyes slid back to the bed they were sitting on. Shawn couldn’t help but smile. 

“I can’t believe you kept those pictures.”

“Of course I kept them,” Cory said defensively, as if any other course of action would have been preposterous to consider. Shawn leaned forward and impulsively wrapped Cory in a hug. 

“You’re a dork, Cor,” he said affectionately, softly into his ear. 

“Yeah, but you love me for it,” Cory returned lightly, then immediately his heart started thundering away and he froze, scared to pull back from the hug, waiting for Shawn to. Did he want to scare him away? Because using that L word and assuming that’s how he felt was how you scared Shawn Hunter away, Cory berated himself. And it had been such a wonderful day, too. 

Shawn froze as well, silently acknowledging the words that he could tell had inadvertently fallen out of Cory’s mouth and feeling Cory’s fear. In response, he tightened his arms around the other man and drew him close enough to nuzzle into his neck. When he could tell Cory was no longer going to have a panic attack, he moved just enough to lay his lips on Cory’s and proceeded to kiss him thoroughly, until they both almost forgot what words were. Though they ended up reclining back on the bed in the process of making out, strangely, Shawn did not feel a need to go further. Sure, he was half hard and had Cory’s hands started going places, he wouldn’t have stopped them, but there was something just...nice...about laying here, especially with the way Cory was gazing at him. Shawn let himself be cuddled like a teddy bear, not wanting to admit how comforting it was for him as well. 

Thus began the trade off, Cory and Shawn flying to each other’s cities in turn. Neither being made of money, they couldn’t quite do every weekend, of course, but they managed to not let more than three weeks go by before someone was getting on a plane. And most nights they were on the phone, even if only for a few minutes, needing to touch base. 

Shawn found that he hadn’t checked his personal ad for two months before he knew it. His inbox overflowing, he hit “delete all” without reading any of them. He paused for only a few moments before he navigated to Settings and hit the “delete profile” button. He felt a pang of loss; he’d been on that website a long time, and that online persona was part of him. Used to be part of him, he corrected his ego. Cory hadn’t known that he had such an ad out in the world, and he never would, Shawn swore. Cory deserved way better than that, and Shawn resolved to live up to it. He’d been doing it most of his life, after all: trying to better himself and accomplish his goals, even forming goals in life at all, all to live up to being Cory Matthews’ best friend. The friendship had slipped, and so Shawn had slipped, for a few years. But that was over now, and it was time for Shawn to be the man that he always wondered if he could be. For Cory. 

“What do you mean, you want to go home for good?” Cory’s boss was asking. 

“Just that,” Cory said. “I want to relocate back to Philly.” He watched as Mr. Thatcher rubbed a hand over his face and scratched his beard. 

“I hate to lose you, Matthews. You’re good. How set are you on going?”

“I need to,” Cory replied, thinking of Shawn and the fact that he hadn’t told him yet that he was taking this step. “But I have a proposal,” he continued quickly. “Couldn’t I still work for you? Everything we do now is online. How hard would it be for me to set up a satellite office?”

“You’re talking about opening up your own branch of my business in a different city?” Mr. Thatcher stared hard at Cory for several long minutes, the cogs of his brain turning. Cory calmly looked back at him, ready for any answer. It wasn’t like he couldn’t find another job once he got back to Philadelphia if he had to, and he knew his parents would help out as they could if he really needed them to. 

“You are brilliant, sir,” his boss finally said, and reached out to shake his hand. 

His mother cried tears of joy when he told her on his next trip out, and immediately started looking for an apartment for him. As much as he may have liked to, he couldn’t just assume that he would move in with Shawn. It was nice to stay with him when it was just an occasional thing, and he was glad his hand automatically knew where the light switch in the bathroom was now, but he would never presume to take over his place like that. Though part of him wanted to keep it a surprise until he actually moved back, he knew that would be almost deceptive on his part. Shawn was making him dinner that night, and Cory would make himself tell him. He wasn’t scared, of course he wasn’t.

As Shawn set a plate of steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans down in front of him with a flourish, Cory cleared his throat.

“This looks like the perfect celebratory dinner,” he announced. 

“Sure,” Shawn said, tucking into his food on the other side of the table already. “What are we celebrating?” 

“My boss agreed to let me open up my own office,” Cory said, still not touching his meal, though it smelled amazing. He waited for Shawn to look up. Wasn’t he paying attention? When Cory didn’t say anything else, and morosely stabbed a green bean with his fork, Shawn finally stopped chewing. 

“That’s cool,” he said, slowly, softly. “Where?” Cory couldn’t take anymore. 

“Where do you think?!” he all but exploded. “Here! I’m moving back! I’m doing it...” and here his voice got smaller, more worried, “...for us.” What if this had been a horrible idea? What if Shawn was happy only seeing each other every few weeks? What if he wasn’t thinking about this whole thing as seriously as Cory was? What if...but then there were no more what ifs in Cory’s head because his head, along with the rest of his body, had been scooped up in a bear hug before he knew it, literally his feet off the floor and ribs almost bruising in Shawn’s tight grip. Shawn lowered him just enough to kiss the life out of him, so that between the hug and the kiss Cory quite couldn’t breath. But that was perfectly okay, because Shawn was beaming at him with all the love in the world in his eyes.

It was about damn time, Shawn thought to himself as he sat back down and returned to his meal. Almost six months of this long distance...relationship?...they hadn’t technically declared anything...was starting to get a little wearying. Quickly following on the heels of that thought, though, was a ripple of unease. Did this mean things were about to get a lot more serious between them? Cory was moving back for them, he had said it himself. Shawn knew he was being ridiculous; they were already serious, exclusive, and yes, in love with each other. Even if they hadn’t said it. 

Or consummated it. This was the longest Shawn had gone without getting laid that he could remember, and there were times that he would never share with Cory that he had to fight the thought to text one of his past playthings, just for the release. Instead he would take matters into his own hands, sometimes even when Cory was over, and they’d dozed off after making out and just teasing each other lightly. Shawn was going at Cory’s pace, knowing he’d never been with a man before, and determined not to make him uncomfortable. So he’d go into his bathroom in the middle of the night like he was a teenager again, with Cory sleeping in his bed, and prevent another case of blue balls.

He glanced up at Cory now, and caught him staring at him with that puppy dog look he often turned on Shawn as he shoved mashed potatoes in his mouth. Shawn smiled at both of them, amazed that he could find this guy so sexy and sweet at the same time. He shoved away the thought of dragging Cory up onto the table and having his way with him right on the dinner plates. 

“So I was thinking I want to try to find an office space with a little apartment above it. That would be really convenient. I just have to clear the location with my boss cause he’ll be paying for the office part.” Shawn’s shoulders relaxed a touch. Not that he would have wanted to tell Cory he couldn’t move in with him, but he was really happy with his own space.

“You just want to watch that,” he advised Cory, “Having your workplace so close to your living quarters. It’s easy to start blending the two.” He thought of how often he brought work home, and he had a commute. Then he had another thought. “But what about that old building that used to have that comic shop? Remember that? The shop’s been closed awhile. I wonder if there’s an apartment above it.” 

As they spent the rest of dinner talking about the future and then cuddling on the couch watching an old movie that was a favorite of both of theirs, they each realized in their own way that things would be okay. Shawn would give Cory an extra little squeeze every time he thought of how much more often he’d get to see his curly headed goof, and that Cory was coming home, where he’d belonged all along. And Cory would smile afresh at the thought of how much more he was going to get to see this beautiful, wonderful, amazing man at his side, because he was coming home, finally, where he’d belonged all along. The movie ended in a horrific bloodbath, like most of their favorites did and Shawn led Cory by the hand down the hall to his room. 

There seemed to be a different quality to their making out that night. It was always fun, to be sure, and often one of the men would have to pause as they considered how lucky they were to be holding the other. But tonight the kisses were just a little deeper, and lingered just a little longer. Both were still caught up in the idea of the changes to come, and neither were particularly tired. Shawn oh so gently grazed his hand over the slight bulge in the front of Cory’s pants, and was rewarded with a heated breathy moan. He loved getting him all worked up. 

Shawn had to reflect, not for the first time, how ironic it was that they had shared blow jobs that first night a few months ago, but ever since then nothing but shirts had been removed. Though there was plenty of grinding and teasing. It was worth it, he reminded himself again and again. In the time he’d been spending with Cory, he could have gotten so much action, with so many people, in so many different positions, and come so many times. But that was no longer his life, or the person he was. Wholesome Cory had put a screaming halt to that. Maybe Shawn was just maturing anyway when his old friend had come along, or maybe the chance of keeping Cory this time was worth what Shawn would have thought of as a loss of his way of life not long ago. He was still working on forgiving Cory for abandoning him, to be sure. But with every caress of Cory’s fingers along his jaw, every whisper of contentment in his ear, every slow press of lips against his, Shawn was finding forgiveness and reformation easier and easier. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the last chapter, almost all pure but sweet smut. :p
> 
> Just throwing it out there that this is not meant to portray any sort of dom/sub situation, even if the words are mentioned (in Cory's thoughts). This is just two guys in love beginning to figure out their sexual relationship together.

Tonight, instead of slowing down and settling into cuddling and dozing off, Cory and Shawn found themselves gripping tighter than they ever had, and with erections that demanded they shed their pants. Both were breathless and had the sense that things were shifting. Shawn had an idea, and while he knew he needed to tread carefully, he also didn’t know how much more he could take, and decided to at least gently try and see what would happen. Mid-kissing and groping, Shawn disentangled himself from Cory’s reaching grasp.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back,” he soothed, and laid a tender kiss on Cory’s temple. Cory actually let out a whine. He’d been thoroughly enjoying thoroughly exploring Shawn’s naked chest, kneading the hard muscles and being overwhelmed by the strength the man possessed. He watched the dark haired man take a couple steps across the room to his dresser, admiring his tight ass cheeks in the form fitting boxer briefs he wore. Shawn opened a small drawer, took something out, keeping it clenched in his hand until he had walked back to the edge of the bed. Cory’s eyes had stayed on his hips as he turned, and were now fixed on the bulge straining at the blue cotton fabric of the underwear. Aware Shawn was looking at him again, he lifted his head from where it leaned on his hand. Shawn let the strip of black cloth unravel from his palm as he kept his eyes trained on Cory’s face.

“I want you to blindfold me. And then I want you to do whatever you want to me.” Shawn’s eyebrow raised suggestively, then Cory’s both lifted in some surprise. He supposed he shouldn’t be; he’d known going into this that Shawn liked to be submissive. But was Cory really the dominant type? He reached for the blindfold, finding it silky and soft, as he imagined Shawn being at his utter mercy, laid out on the bed, squirming under Cory’s hands and body. 

“Too soon?” Shawn joked, with a twinkle in his eye while Cory hesitated. He’d known it had been risky, he didn’t think Cory was a guy that could have any kinks, but he’d wanted to try. He would make himself be all right with whatever Cory was comfortable with, he meant enough to him for that, even if it was the most vanilla sex Shawn would ever have. Even if it wasn’t sex at all, he corrected his brain.

“No, I’ll try it,” Cory said. His curiosity had been piqued, and he would do almost anything to make Shawn happy. He was worried that he would be far more boring than Shawn was hoping for; after all, how could he compete with tattoos and muscles and holding Shawn down while he pretended to rape him? He knew he’d never be that, and while it was ludicrous to think that he’d ever be sorry about that, what if that was what Shawn wanted? Shawn was back on the bed next to him now, stroking Cory’s arms, and it was as if he’d read his mind.

“You don’t have to do anything you’re not okay with, you know that right?” he asked. “I’m enjoying being here with you, whatever that ends up meaning.” Cory looked into Shawn’s beautiful eyes, and saw the sincerity and gentleness there. He moved himself so he could meet Shawn’s mouth, kissing him for awhile before he bit his bottom lip. Pulling back just a bit, he whispered in Shawn’s ear, “Turn around,” and caught the excitement in Shawn’s expression before he complied and twisted his body so that Cory could bring the blindfold around him and affix it across his eyes. Cory was careful not to let any of Shawn’s hair get twisted in the knots he was making, then he made sure he asked him if it was too tight when he was done.

“It’s fine Babe,” came the answer, and Cory’s heart fluttered at the affectation. He now wasn’t totally sure what to do. Should he whip Shawn? Did he have such props around here? Cory decided he probably didn’t want to think about whether he did or not. Feeling nervous and completely inadequate, he leaned forward to capture Shawn in a hug from behind. His hair smelled like rosemary. Cory’s lips ghosted along the top of Shawn’s ear, and he heard a contented sigh escape the other man. Slightly encouraged, Cory shifted backwards so that Shawn’s smooth strong back was exposed. Cory moved his hair and the ends of the blindfold away from the back of his neck, and started there, kissing the nape of his neck, then trailing his lips down between his shoulder blades. Shawn’s skin was exquisite and Cory set about loving every inch of it. He experimented with swirling his tongue along his spine, and was rewarded with Shawn arching his back suddenly.

“That tickles,” Shawn said, “But it’s okay.” After that, Cory still used his tongue a bit, but he also started gently biting by the time he got to Shawn’s lower back. He heard Shawn’s breathing deepen at this. 

“Can you lay down? On your stomach?” Cory asked. It was getting to be uncomfortable, crouching down. 

“Anything you want,” Shawn reminded him, and shifted his body as requested. Cory only began to realize now how much control he had over this gorgeous body, and he felt his blood thrill. Bolder now, he rubbed, kissed, licked, and bit Shawn’s back, leaving small teeth marks in places. Then he kissed his way up one of Shawn’s arms and, laying down next to him to feel the warmth and comfort of his body again, found his lips at his neck once more. He wetly kissed here too, and had a thought. Would Shawn let him? Then Cory reminded himself that he would, and he latched on. He hadn’t given out a hickey since high school, and those had not been anything that couldn’t be covered by a little concealer. But the one he set out to mark Shawn with now would refuse to be hidden by anything but a black turtleneck. Cory sucked till he tasted blood, and though Shawn had started moaning, he didn’t say a word. Slightly horrified, Cory released him and stared at the huge dark purple bruise. Now Shawn chuckled.

“I didn’t know you were a vampire.” 

“Neither did I,” Cory replied, and nudged at Shawn’s side, trying to get him to roll to the side. Then he realized he might have to tell him to, so he did, and Shawn immediately complied. Cory slid his body alongside Shawn’s easily, admiring his handiwork on his neck. He belonged to him now, Cory thought, he’d claimed him, and with a rush of possessiveness, Cory’s hand playfully slapped one of Shawn’s ass cheeks. He saw Shawn smile at this, so he hit the other cheek. This body was his, all his. He grabbed Shawn’s ass, seeing how it felt, digging his fingertips in as hard as he could into the muscled flesh. God, his boyfriend was so hot! Cory brought his hand to hold Shawn’s hip firmly while he went back to making out with him for awhile. No matter what they ever did, this might always be Cory’s favorite; the swirl of lips and tongue and teeth, the slow build of passion, the intimacy of being connected like this. 

Aware of Shawn’s hard on pressing into his leg, Cory reached down and began stroking it through the underwear. Then his fingers dug past the waistband and slipped inside, and Shawn whimpered into his mouth. Cory’s head pulled back so he could look down and watch his own hand fondle Shawn’s firm cock. Shawn had to bite his own tongue to keep from asking Cory to do anything. Instead he pushed his hips towards him, asking for more that way. Cory’s hand slipped around to Shawn’s ass cheek, still in his boxer briefs, creating a painfully delicious pressure where the waistband dug against his penis that was protruding past it now. Shawn nuzzled Cory’s neck, inhaling his soap and trying to be patient while Cory explored. His hand covered Shawn’s ass cheek, his fingers teasingly close but not close enough to the crack. Shawn moved into him again, trying to shift his hips so that Cory’s hand had to slide closer, and moaned a little. Thankfully he got the hint, and his fingers slid incrementally closer to Shawn’s hole. Cory brushed his index finger over the outermost edge of the puckered skin, clearly hesitant, and Shawn encouraged him with another moan.

“Yeah?” Cory asked. 

“Yes,” Shawn’s voice came out breathy and higher pitched than he’d meant to. He was trying not to push Cory into anything, really he wasn’t. 

“Spread your legs a little,” Cory whispered, and Shawn readily opened them, more than he’d probably strictly needed to, but wanting Cory to have access to whatever he might want to do. He felt fingers clumsily brushing and rubbing and starting to prod, and as many times as he’d been opened up with far more skill, Shawn found his toes curling at the gentleness and care with which Cory tested. He flexed his hole a few times to see what Cory would do, and he took the invitation, placing the tip of his index finger at his opening. 

“If you want lube, there’s some in the drawer in the table right here,” Shawn suggested, hoping that wasn’t too much to say. He feared it had been when Cory slid his hand slowly up and out of his underwear and just hugged Shawn close for a few moments. Shawn held him back, just as tight and close, feeling Cory’s heart beating against his own chest. He was such a beautiful soul, it would be all right if he wasn’t rushed into being corrupted, Shawn told himself. But then Cory’s hands were traveling down his sides, and, meeting the waistband of his boxer briefs, pulling them off. Then they were back on Shawn’s ass, kneading and exploring. Shawn wanted to mention again that Cory didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to, but he also didn’t want to break the spell, because now Cory had retrieved the lube and Shawn could hear his breathing while he decided how much to squeeze out. 

Shawn braced for the chilliness of the lube on his hole, but Cory started at the top of his ass crack and slid his way down, using one finger to blaze a trail. He came to the opening, and Shawn was happy to feel that he’d taken almost too much lube as he felt himself flooded with it. Cory’s fingers started to dance around the edge again and Shawn moved his hips encouragingly. 

“That feels amazing, Cor,” he told him. “You have no idea.” He laughed to himself at the inadvertent truth of that. Cory finally started to push a finger into him, slowly and carefully. 

“That doesn’t hurt?” Cory asked, genuine curiosity in his tone. 

“Not at all,” Shawn answered, and dared to lift his hips a little to give Cory better access. “You can go as deep as you want. Use as many fingers as you want. I love it.” He could feel Cory’s concentration as the man focused on pleasuring Shawn and Shawn lost himself in the attention. This might be the slowest and gentlest anybody had ever been with him, and though rough and hard turned him on like nothing else, there was something beautifully sweet and hot about being pored over like this. Shawn spread his legs wider and lifted his hips further as Cory went, one finger, two fingers, three. He stopped there, and pulled out, wiping his hand on the sheets. He bent to lay a kiss on each of Shawn’s buttocks. Shawn’s cock was throbbing, his whole body ready. 

“Shawn?” Cory’s voice said softly. 

“Hmm?” Shawn made sure he was as gentle in his response. Cory had moved up, and his answer was at Shawn’s shoulder. 

“I think I want to be inside of you.” Shawn’s head bowed, his teeth catching his lip, his need strong.

“God yes, Cory, please!” he couldn’t hold his enthusiasm back any longer. Then Cory turned his face towards his and kissed him long, deep, and hard, his tongue claiming his mouth in a way it never had before. When Cory broke the kiss, Shawn heard the click of the top of the bottle of lube opening again, and imagined Cory’s hand slathering it on his own cock. He made sure his body was in position on its knees, and waited to feel Cory’s body settle behind his. But then he felt Cory’s tender hand along his side.

“Lay down, Baby. And roll over,” Cory said. Shawn complied, of course, easing himself down and then onto his back. Cory’s hands roamed all over him. 

“God, you are so fucking beautiful,” Cory breathed, his voice almost catching. Then his lips were all over Shawn’s chest, kissing their way down, and Shawn was torn between desire and affection. Only Cory could do to that him, bring him to a place where both could exist. Then desire took the front seat again as Cory took Shawn’s cock into his warm mouth, sucking just long enough to tease, then applying two kisses to his ball sack. Shawn spread his legs, hopeful he knew what was next, and thankfully he was not wrong. He heard Cory coating his own dick with lube, but before he felt him down below, the blindfold was being slipped off. Cory hung suspended above him as Shawn’s eyes adjusted to seeing again and met his lover’s warm brown gaze. 

“I wanted to be able to look into your eyes when I did this for the first time,” Cory said, and he slid himself inside of Shawn oh so slowly. Shawn couldn’t help it; his eyes closed, his head thrown back, and he grabbed Cory’s hips as he drew him as far in as he would go, filling him completely. 

“Oh god,” escaped Cory, and he almost fell on top of Shawn. This felt far better than he’d been able to imagine. Shawn’s grip loosened on him enough to be able to begin to move slightly, though he felt he’d explode with not much provocation. Shawn was so wonderfully tight, and so eager to have Cory buried inside of him, and looking up at him with so much trust and…

“Shawn, I love you,” Cory told him as he began to thrust his hips in earnest, knowing he wouldn’t be able to last long and feeling bad for it but having to move.

“I love you too,” Shawn returned. “That feels so fucking good and I fucking love you.” Cory paused slightly in his movements to lean down and capture Shawn’s mouth in a sloppy kiss, then he went back to pumping in earnest. He was fucking Shawn Hunter’s brains out, his mind told him, while his body began to sweat and beg for release. He took Shawn’s hand and put it on his hard cock, encouraging him. Shawn began stroking himself and the sight had Cory even closer to the edge. This was the hottest thing he’d ever done or seen. Shawn’s dark hair spilling onto the pillow, his broad shoulders moving with Cory’s thrusts, his strong hand working his own huge cock, eyes closed, then open to look up at Cory, then watching Cory’s dick disappear inside of him, his ball sack bouncing up and down, and his hot tight ass hungry for every inch of Cory’s driving cock that he could give him. He impaled Shawn on himself again and again, momentum building with each thrust, until he was about to fall. 

“I’m going to come,” he all but shouted, holding onto Shawn tight. He felt Shawn’s arms wrap around him, not letting him go anywhere if he’d tried, and in this way his balls emptied themselves deep into Shawn. Inarticulate sounds were making their way out of Cory as Shawn held him close. He felt himself being eased to Shawn’s side, and realized Shawn was still working on his own erection. Cory wished he had the energy to help. He watched as Shawn touched his cock, and could tell he was close. As Shawn started using a quicker stroke that Cory recognized, he used the last of his strength to hover his mouth over the tip and when Shawn came, he made sure he caught most of it. He loved the taste, and licked Shawn’s slit clean. 

Then both men lay still, exhausted and reeling. Amazingly, sleep did not descend right away, the lovers merely holding each other close in the dark, consciousness drifting. When Shawn’s whisper came it almost made Cory jump. 

“So, does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” His tone was light, almost teasing, but intimate. Cory snuggled in closer where he was curled around Shawn’s back. 

“I’d be honored to be yours,” Cory answered, his heart soaring. “I always have been.” At this, Shawn twisted his upper body around, and pressed his forehead to Cory’s in the darkness. 

“Good,” he answered. “Cause I’m yours now too.” They shared a clumsy kiss before Shawn turned back around and settled his body back into the crook of Cory’s. This was becoming his new favorite spot. 

“Your shoulders are so sexy.”

“My shoulders?” Shawn didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended. In his opinion, there were other, far better parts of his body. 

“Yeah,” Cory said seriously, then Shawn felt him lay a kiss on the outer curve, just above his left shoulder blade, where his breath had been a moment ago. “They’ve carried so much but they’re still so strong.” Cory pressed his lips gently but firmly along more of Shawn’s skin, reaching towards his neck, and then down his back. He reached down and found Cory’s hand where it rested on Shawn’s lower belly, twining their fingers together. If he hadn’t just spent himself, Shawn would be tempted to move Cory’s hand further down, but as it was, he liked the intimacy of this. Cory’s flaccid cock, also well spent, stuck to Shawn’s lower ass cheek, almost tickling his upper leg. He wiggled his hips just slightly and was rewarded with the tiniest of stirrings from Cory’s dick. 

“You are such a tease,” Cory whispered in his ear, and Shawn smirked.

“You knew this,” he said. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Cory murmured, and placed his teeth around Shawn’s ear lobe, working it like he knew Shawn liked.

“Corrry...” Shawn half moaned.

“You’re not the only one that can tease,” Cory’s voice was low in his ear. Sleep still didn’t claim them for awhile. 

  
  


The next day, when Shawn announced that he wanted to take Cory somewhere to meet someone, Cory went along willingly enough, his curiosity piqued. Especially when they went to the bar they had accidentally reunited in, now a few months ago. It was just late enough that her shift should have started, Shawn figured. He made sure he was grasping Cory’s hand tightly as he led him up to the counter. Sure enough, there was her head of spiky blond hair. Shawn watched as she caught sight of the two of them, then as her eyes looked Cory up and down, then as they settled on their hands clasped together. 

“It’s about damn time,” Roxie said in that no nonsense tone of hers. 

“Tell me about it,” Shawn returned, and kissed Cory’s cheek. 


End file.
